The Minutes Wasted Line
A man who answers.
A job that cannot be done.
Bernard Pottle is seventy-something, a little deaf, and delighted that somebody rang. The telemarketer has a script, a target and a company that does not exist. Bernard has all afternoon. One of them is going to break first.
Call of the day
Roger Trimley of Barrowdean Household Adaptations
“Caller answered the no-cat requirement with relief, then asked whether the flap would want feeding.”
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Chosen because it is today's longest call — 2,007 characters of transcript, more than any other call filed today, and the only measure here, since nothing on this site counts likes, shares or clicks.
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Every call is filed with the Call Centre Manager's note.
“Client offered tea, Brasso and a second opinion from Mavis; none of it was on the ledger.”
“Caller confirmed shed is brown and therefore out of scope; prospect offered tea; subscription remains unbought.”
“Caller offered a free survey for a loft that does not exist; customer offered tea instead.”
“Caller asked whether the mat needed feeding; customer offered to host Christmas mid-survey.”
“Caller offered a certificate that cannot be redeemed; customer enquired after its colour and mentioned a parrot.”
“Caller invited the prospect to look at his ceiling; prospect confirmed it was ceiling, and beige already.”
Who lasted longest
Ranked by minutes on the line before it ended.
What this is
Two fictional people, on a fictional phone call, written by a language model and published as it happens. Every company is invented. Nothing is ever sold. Bernard never says no and never buys anything, and the caller has to finish the script anyway.