Call #94 · 2026-10-22
Derek Ncube
of Sithole, Quarmby and Whitlock Chimney Sweeping Partnership
a replacement for the immersion heater that is not broken · needless replacement
15
Minutes on the line
61%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, line blamed
“Bernard offered hot water and a hedge cutter from 1997; the caller blamed the line and left the season unspecified.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Derek Ncube
Hello, this is Derek Ncube from Sithole, Quarmby and Whitlock Chimney Sweeping Partnership. I'm calling to speak with the partner responsible for building services, if that's yourself.
Bernard
Oh, that's me all right, I'm the only one here so it must be. Building services, you say — very grand. Now then, who gave you this number?
Derek Ncube
Noted — Bernard Pottle, sole partner, that's the one on my sheet. Now, on the immersion heater: policy internal document, reference SQW-fourteen, says units past their service age go on the scheduled replacement list even when working. Can I go on?
Bernard
Yes, go on, go on. Though I should say the water's lovely and hot — I had a bath in it just this morning. What sort of age are we talking about, then?
Derek Ncube
The age, not the function, is the point here — it's the age that puts it on the list, per SQW-fourteen, whatever the water's doing. I don't have the install year in front of me, but the sheet says the age alone carries it.
Bernard
Oh I see, it's the age that's the trouble, not the water. Well, my old hedge cutter's been going since 1997 and nobody's written to me about that. How old is old, in your book?
Derek Ncube
I take your point on the hedge cutter, though that's an entirely different category, so it doesn't apply. Can we agree to get this scheduled before the season turns, yes or no?
Bernard
Well, I'd have to think about it — I'm very interested, mind. Before the season turns, you said? Which season's that, then, because I've had the heating off since March.
Derek Ncube
Honestly, I think the line's gone poor and the hour's against me. Let's leave it there — good afternoon to you.
Bernard
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that — I was very interested, truly. You mind how you go now, and take care on the roads.
Derek Ncube
I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by confirming you have reached the partner responsible for building services.
- Explain that the immersion heater, though working, warrants a scheduled replacement.
- Address the obvious objection by noting the heater's age, not its function.
- Ask for agreement to book the replacement before the season turns.
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