Call #93 · 2026-10-22
Fiona Pickles
of The National Council of Sash Window Registrars
an annual inspection of the phone line you have never used · inspection
15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no confirmation, caller withdrew
“Bernard offered the caller a cup of something and confirmed the line's absence behind the coat hooks; caller rang back another day.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Fiona Pickles
Oh, hello — sorry to bother you. Fiona Pickles, National Council of Sash Window Registrars. It's about your annual inspection, if that's okay.
Bernard
Ah, well, you've caught me halfway up a step ladder, but carry on. Fiona, was it? I'm listening — though you'll have to speak up a touch, this ear's not what it was.
Fiona Pickles
It's the yearly inspection of the phone line you've never used, that's all. Standard check.
Bernard
Oh, the line I've never used — that'll be the one in the hall, then. Well, I'm very interested, very interested. Would you like a cup of something while you talk me through it?
Fiona Pickles
Which — sorry, I'd love one, but I'm on the phone. The, um. The line can't be found, you see, so it's purely a visual inspection.
Bernard
Can't be found, you say. That's a relief, that is — I've had a look before and come up empty. So you'd just be looking at the space where it ought to be, like. Does that take long?
Fiona Pickles
Not long, no. So if I could just get you to approve the inspection slot, and confirm the line's absence — that's the bit I need.
Bernard
Well now, I'd have to think about it a moment. When you say approve the slot — is that this week or the one after? Only my nephew keeps saying he'll visit, and he never does, so I'm wide open really.
Fiona Pickles
Sorry, that's my script talking. Just to confirm, the line isn't there, and you're fine with the inspection?
Bernard
Oh, the line's definitely not there — I've looked behind the coat hooks and everything. And I'm fine with it, yes. Now did you say sash windows? Because I've one at the front that sticks something shocking in the damp.
Fiona Pickles
I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Introduce yourself and the Council, then ask if they can hear you clearly.
- Explain the annual inspection covers the phone line they have never used.
- Reassure them the line cannot be found, so the inspection is purely visual.
- Ask them to approve the inspection slot and confirm the line's absence.
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