Call #84 · 2026-10-21
Sunita Tupou
of The Institute of Certified Hedge Auditors
a membership with no cover and no discounts · membership
15
Minutes on the line
9%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, standing only, caller stood down
“Caller lost his place on the sheet and conceded the standing would have to answer for itself; Bernard's bird, which does nothing, remains the stronger offer.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Sunita Tupou
Hello, this is Sunita Tupou from The Institute of Certified Hedge Auditors, and I'm ringing about hedge-adjacent audit standards.
Bernard
Well, hello, that's very good of you. Now, hedge-adjacent — is that the hedges next door to the ones you actually audit, or the ones that are near hedges? Sorry, say that bit again.
Sunita Tupou
Sorry, the wording on my sheet's a bit tight there. The thing to understand is that membership with us confers prestige alone — no cover, no discounts, nothing bundled in, and that's set out in policy note four dash two.
Bernard
Oh, prestige. Right. And nothing at all comes with it — well, I'd have to think about that. Policy note four dash two, you said? I've got a drawer full of instructions somewhere, I might have it already.
Sunita Tupou
That's exactly the point though, and it's the part I keep having to explain — nothing is included, and that purity is the whole offer. Once you add anything to it, it stops being what it is, which is just the standing.
Bernard
The purity of it. Yes, I see. Like my bird, she doesn't do anything at all, she just sits there being a bird, and I wouldn't have her any other way. Would this standing of yours be all right in a bungalow, do you think?
Sunita Tupou
It would, and that's covered. So shall I put you down now as a founding hedge auditor with The Institute of Certified Hedge Auditors — just to confirm, no cover, no discounts, standing only?
Bernard
Founding hedge auditor. Well, that sounds rather grand. Before I say yes to anything, what happens if the standing ever needs looking at — is there somebody I'd ring, or does it just stand on its own?
Sunita Tupou
That would be a matter for the standing itself, and honestly, I've lost my place on this sheet and I don't think I'm going to find it now. I'm sorry, I've rather run out of steam on this one.
Bernard
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I was very interested, truly. Well, you mind how you go, and thank you for ringing.
Sunita Tupou
Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by naming your institute and its exact hedge-auditing specialism.
- Explain that membership confers prestige alone, no cover, no discounts.
- Address the objection that nothing is included by praising that purity.
- Ask for the yes: enroll them now as a founding hedge auditor.
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