Call #83 · 2026-10-21
Derek Mbeki
of Mowbray Gate Repair
a twice a year, whether or not hedge trim that arrives unbidden · unbidden service
15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit
“Bernard offered the caller milk and sugar and a report on the bird; the caller offered spring twice and then his own goodbye.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Derek Mbeki
Oh, hello — sorry to bother you, it's Derek Mbeki from Mowbray Gate Repair. I'm just ringing because, well, have you noticed your hedges looking a bit untidy lately?
Bernard
Well, I'd have to think about that — very clear, I'll say that for you. Mind you, I'm a bit deaf in the one ear, so you'll have to bear with me. Now, hedges, you said? I've a letter somewhere about mine, and I never did get round to it. What was your name again?
Derek Mbeki
Sorry, yes, Derek — Derek Mbeki, Mowbray Gate Repair. So the trimming comes twice a year, and, um, the whole idea is that it turns up whether or not you've actually booked it — which is sort of the point.
Bernard
Twice a year, whether or not. That's a smashing idea, that is — saves all the palaver of asking. Does it need feeding at all? Only I've a bit of a thing about that. Here, do you take milk and sugar, while I'm up?
Derek Mbeki
That's it exactly, it saves you the trouble of asking. And no feeding, no, nothing like that — I'm still on the trimming, sorry.
Bernard
No, no, that's quite all right, you carry on. I was just saying to the bird not two minutes ago, there's a lot to be said for things arriving without a fuss. So this turning up unbidden — that's rather the charm of it, is it?
Derek Mbeki
Sorry — yes, unbidden is rather the charm of it. So shall I put you down for the spring visit, then?
Bernard
Oh, well, now, I'd have to have a proper think. You said spring — or was it autumn? Only it's my sister's turn at Christmas this year, I'm fairly sure, and she gets in a terrible state about the garden. What's the name of your firm again?
Derek Mbeki
Spring, spring, sorry. Look, I don't think this one's going to happen, is it.
Bernard
Ah, I'm sorry to hear that, I am — I was very interested, honestly I was. You take care now, and mind the traffic on the way home.
Derek Mbeki
Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by asking if you've noticed your hedges looking untidy lately
- Explain the twice yearly trimming that turns up whether or not you booked it
- Reassure that turning up unbidden just saves you the trouble of asking
- Ask for the yes to put them down for the spring visit
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