Call #70 · 2026-10-21
Alan Ferrier
of The National Council of Registered Loft Hatch Inspectors
a certificate confirming a side gate is properly registered · certification
15
Minutes on the line
6%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit
“Caller lost his own thread; Bernard offered him a cup of something and the number of a bird.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Alan Ferrier
Hello there, Alan Ferrier from The National Council of Registered Loft Hatch Inspectors. Just calling to confirm I've reached the occupier of the property with the side gate.
Bernard
Right, I'm listening. Mostly. The side gate, yes — well, that's very good of you to ring about it. Only I thought you said loft matches, so you'll have to excuse me, I've got one of those that won't stay up and it's been on my mind.
Alan Ferrier
Ha, brilliant, that's a lovely bit of feedback. Well, this is about the gate registration certificate — it confirms your side gate is properly registered and on record as a gate that exists.
Bernard
On record as existing. That's a comfort, that is. And does it say which way it opens, because Joan next door and I have never settled it. Little joke there. Go on.
Alan Ferrier
Ha, brilliant, I'll have to laugh at that one. Anyway, no changes needed at all, the gate just needs official confirmation it exists, that's the whole thing.
Bernard
No changes, that's the best sort of news. So it's a sort of passport for the gate. Would it need a photograph, do you think, or is the gate let off that?
Alan Ferrier
Ha, a passport for the gate, that's lovely. No photograph needed, I promise — so shall I go ahead and issue the certificate for you today?
Bernard
Well, I'd have to think about it. It's not the money, mind — and there isn't any money, is there? I've lost that bit. Hold on, there's a bird at the chimney pot making a fuss.
Alan Ferrier
Ha, no money at all, it's imaginary money anyway. So that's the certificate, and it confirms... the side gate, and on record, and the whole thing — sorry, I've rather lost my thread here.
Bernard
I'm sorry to hear that, you sounded like you were doing ever such a good job. I was very interested, truly. You get yourself a cup of something and mind the traffic going home.
Alan Ferrier
Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by confirming you've reached the occupier of the property with the side gate.
- Explain the gate registration certificate and what it confirms about the gate they own.
- Reassure them the gate needs no changes, just official confirmation it exists.
- Ask directly for their go-ahead to issue the certificate today.
Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →