Call #69 · 2026-10-21
Clive Whitlock
of Meek Hearth and Home Ltd
a annual loft audit that arrives unbidden · unbidden service
15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no date, no exit found
“Caller spent the call asking Bernard for a day Bernard never had; Bernard offered tea and a pantry tin instead.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Clive Whitlock
Clive Whitlock, Meek Hearth and Home. Your annual loft audit is due, and you got me rather than anyone else on this floor.
Bernard
Oh, hello Clive — I had my glasses down somewhere, that's why I asked. Meek Hearth and Home, you said. Now, is that the loft up the ladder, or is it more of a... what's the word. Audit, you said?
Clive Whitlock
Yes, Bernard, the loft up the ladder, that's the one. And the audit simply arrives unbidden, as a courtesy, so there's nothing for you to arrange.
Bernard
Unbidden — I like that. Well, that's very good of you. Nothing to arrange at all, you say? I had a letter from the council about the hedge, so I know what arranging things is like. Won't you have a cup of tea first?
Clive Whitlock
Kind of you, Bernard, but no need. The visit's already scheduled on our side, so it's not a sales call — I just need the day your auditor comes.
Bernard
Which day is it you've got written down, then? I've a feeling it's a Thursday, but I'd rather hear it from you than trust my own head.
Clive Whitlock
Bernard, that's exactly the bit I'm confirming with you — the day. Give me the day you'd expect and I'll put it straight down as agreed.
Bernard
Oh, I see, it's me that has to say it. Well now. It was a Tuesday, I'm almost sure — no, it was a Wednesday. Wait, that's when the bin goes. Hold on, let me look at the calendar in the hall.
Clive Whitlock
Take your time, Bernard. I'll be right here while you find it.
Bernard
I've had a look and the calendar's still on last month, if you can believe it. It says the fourteenth, but that's the tin on the pantry shelf nobody opens, so don't trust me. What was the day again?
Clive Whitlock
Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Introduce yourself and Meek Hearth and Home by surname and trade.
- Explain the annual loft audit arrives unbidden as a courtesy.
- Assure them the audit is already scheduled, not a sales visit.
- Ask them to confirm the day the auditor calls.
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