Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #7 · 2026-10-18

Graham Ottley
of Brackenmoor Domestic Continuity Group

annual roof-tile rotation service · roof maintenance

18
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
10
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, kettle on

“Caller offered an inspection requiring no roof; customer offered tea instead and mentioned a horse called Norman.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Graham Ottley Good evening, Graham Ottley here from Brackenmoor Domestic Continuity Group. Just a quick one to start us off, could you tell me which roof you'd like rotated first?
Bernard Oh — well, now, that's a question and a half. I've only the one roof, you see, and I'm quite fond of it, but it does face the wrong way for the afternoon sun. Which bit of yours would you do first, in my position?
Graham Ottley Oh, that's the beauty of it, Bernard — a roof isn't meant to sit still, the tiles need turning quarterly or they get bored. I'll be quick, that's the whole point of the service.
Bernard Bored! Well, I never. Mavis gets bored if I don't move her perch about a bit, so I know the feeling. Quarterly, you say — is that every three months or every four? I always get that muddled.
Graham Ottley Quarterly, yes — every three months, that's the whole point. Now, just to confirm, is the property a bungalow? Because that does change things.
Bernard It is, yes — one floor, no stairs, easier on the knees. Though you sound a bit let down about it. Should I have said something else? Only I could always call it a cottage if that helps.
Graham Ottley No, no, don't do that — it's just bungalows are a bit of a sore spot, they barely need us. Still, there's the discount, the livestock-visible rate — if no cow or sheep can see that roof, you pay less.
Bernard Livestock! Well, there's a horse in the far field, but I don't think he's ever looked up in his life. Would that count, do you think? He's called Norman. There's a thought — is it the livestock who do the inspecting?
Graham Ottley Ha — no, Norman doesn't inspect a thing, I do the inspecting. Which brings me nicely on, actually, because I can book you an inspection that requires no roof at all.
Bernard Oh, that's a relief — I've never much liked the idea of anyone up a ladder. Now, that's very good of you. Would you like to pop round for a cup of tea while you inspect? The kettle's still warm.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by asking which roof they would like rotated first.
  2. Explain that tiles need turning quarterly to avoid boredom.
  3. Confirm the property is a bungalow, then sound disappointed.
  4. Offer a discount for roofs visible only to livestock.
  5. Close by booking an inspection that requires no roof.

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