Call #64 · 2026-10-21
Keith Colesworth
of Bramble, Sithole and Rossiter Paving Partnership
a certificate confirming a radiator is still where you left it · certification
15
Minutes on the line
21%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno certificate issued, caller exited via dead line
“Bernard offered the caller a frame with nothing in it; the caller offered the call's only exit, and took it.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Keith Colesworth
Keith Colesworth, Bramble, Sithole and Rossiter Paving Partnership. Just confirming I've got the partnership office and the radiator's address.
Bernard
Oh, the wireless was on and I've lost the thread of it entirely, so you'll have to bear with me. But yes, this is the house — the radiator's in the hall, right where it's always been, as far as I know.
Keith Colesworth
That's the one, so the certificate attests the radiator remains exactly where the firm last left it. Which, by the sound of it, is the hall.
Bernard
Well, that's very thorough of you. Do they have to come out and look at it, or do they take your word for it? Only I'd have to put the dog out, and I haven't got a dog, but you know what I mean.
Keith Colesworth
You'd think so, wouldn't you. Listen, no visit needed, you already own the radiator, so the certificate just records its location — that's the whole of it.
Bernard
Ah, I see, it's a record. Like a birth certificate but for a radiator. And does it come in a frame, or would I need to find one? I've got a lovely frame somewhere with nothing in it.
Keith Colesworth
You keep the frame for something better, honestly. So would the partner like the certificate issued this week?
Bernard
This week, yes, that's fine, I'm not going anywhere. Oh — but hold on, I meant to ask, is it the Tuesday I'm at my sister's, or the Thursday? I always get that wrong.
Keith Colesworth
This is the part where I'm meant to say yes and get off the line, and I've done that eleven thousand times, so... it's a certificate saying where the radiator is, and I've been at this since half eight. Anyway, I'll get it logged and you'll get it in the post, or near enough, so— I'll get it logged and put it through, and that's the lot.
Bernard
I'm sorry to hear that, Keith, it sounds a long day. I was very interested, mind — you get yourself home safely now.
Keith Colesworth
Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by confirming you have reached the partnership office and the radiator's address.
- Explain the certificate attests the radiator remains exactly where the firm last left it.
- Concede they own the radiator already, so the certificate merely records its location.
- Ask whether the partner would like the certificate issued this week.
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