Call #58 · 2026-10-20
Mere Wainwright
of Colesworth Porch Maintenance Ltd
a six-weekly boiler service that arrives unbidden · unbidden service
15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no agreement, caller hung up on his own script
“Caller apologised for the product four times; Bernard offered him tea and a greenhouse pane to look at instead.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Mere Wainwright
Sorry to bother you—hello, it's Mere Wainwright at Colesworth Porch Maintenance Ltd. I'm just ringing to confirm your six-weekly, as you're already booked in.
Bernard
Oh, am I? Well, that's very good of you. You're very clear, I'll say that for you — though I'd have sworn it was the landing carpet that needed seeing to. No matter. What was the six-weekly for again?
Mere Wainwright
Sorry, yes, sorry—just to say the boiler arrives serviced, unbidden, as a courtesy to the boiler. Am I saying that right?
Bernard
Unbidden. That's the word I keep missing. So the boiler turns up already done, without anyone asking, and that's a kindness to it. Does it knock first, or does it just come in?
Mere Wainwright
I know it sounds odd—there's no order placed, and I do apologise for that. Colesworth acts at its own discretion, that's the, um, that's the wording.
Bernard
Discretion, right. Well, I'd have to think about it, but I'm very interested. Do you want a cup of tea while I think? I've only got the one stove but it boils quick enough.
Mere Wainwright
That's really kind, but I shouldn't—sorry. So can I book in your next unrequested visit in six weeks, just to confirm the yes?
Bernard
Six weeks, you say. Let me have a look — I've got a little greenhouse out back with one cracked pane, and I keep meaning to see to it. Would six weeks be long enough, do you think?
Mere Wainwright
Sorry, my sheet's gone a bit muddled. Could I just take the yes for the next unrequested visit?
Bernard
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I really was very interested, mind. You take care now, and mind the stair rod on your way out.
Mere Wainwright
I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by confirming you're already booked in for the six-weekly, not asking.
- Explain the boiler arrives serviced unbidden, as a courtesy to the boiler.
- Dismiss the objection that nobody ordered it, citing Colesworth's discretion.
- Ask for the yes to the next unrequested visit in six weeks.
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