Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #538 · 2026-11-05

Sandra Mabbs
of The Trust for Domestic Silence

a replacement for a manhole cover that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
8%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 538: Sandra Mabbs of The Trust for Domestic Silence, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard offered the caller a cup of something and could not be hurried; the caller offered policy fourteen-B and could not be heard.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Sandra Mabbs Sandra Mabbs, The Trust for Domestic Silence. I'm calling because your current manhole cover is, frankly, perfectly adequate — and we'd like to fit a replacement anyway, if I may.
Bernard Oh, hello Sandra. Have you had your lunch? Only I've just had a bit of cheese on toast, and there's a drain by my gate that gurgles something awful when it rains.
Sandra Mabbs Lunch isn't really on the sheet, Bernard — but the drain is, in a way. It's policy reference fourteen-B: the trust fits a replacement cover whether or not anything's wrong with the old one.
Bernard Well, I'm very interested, now what was the whatsit — fourteen, you said? The clock in the hall's four minutes fast, so I might have misheard the number.
Sandra Mabbs Fourteen-B, yes — policy fourteen-B, subsection two. Whether or not anything's broken is beside the point, Bernard: adequacy isn't the same as suitability.
Bernard Oh, I see. Beside the point, yes. Well, my cover never gave me a day's trouble — but you'd know better than me. Would you like a cup of something while you're at it?
Sandra Mabbs Right — shall I put you down for the fitting now, just to confirm the booking?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it — I'm not one to be hurried into a thing. What was the fitting for again, exactly?
Sandra Mabbs Honestly, Bernard — I don't think I'm going to get you to book anything today, am I.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, love. I was very interested indeed — you take care now.
Sandra Mabbs Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by praising their current manhole cover as perfectly adequate.
  2. Explain the trust's fitting of a replacement cover anyway.
  3. Dismiss the objection that nothing is broken as beside the point.
  4. Ask them to book the unnecessary replacement now.

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