Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #537 · 2026-11-05

Sione Lomax
of Dunmarsh Gate Repair Group

a bundle of a drain and a roll of felt · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
38%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 537: Sione Lomax of Dunmarsh Gate Repair Group, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no signature, caller withdrew to post

“Bernard declined to decide after four o'clock; the caller ended it by promising post and departed before the bird could be mentioned again.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Sione Lomax Sione Lomax here, Dunmarsh Gate Repair Group, and I'm ringing because drain-and-felt day has arrived at your address. Am I speaking with the gentleman of the house?
Bernard Hold on, let me turn the radio down. There, that's better. Yes, that's me, the gentleman of the house, though it's just me and the bird these days. Drain and felt day, you say?
Sione Lomax Right you are, Bernard. So the drain and the felt come as one arranged bundle, all in one delivery, no separating them out. That's the great news here.
Bernard One bundle, right you are. Now, this felt — does it come in green? I've been eyeing the gutter above the back door and wondering if it wants covering.
Sione Lomax Green or otherwise, it arrives with the drain, Bernard, that's the beauty of the bundle. Now some folk ask why a drain and a roll of felt travel together, and I'll flatten that for you.
Bernard Oh, I wasn't going to ask that. I was going to ask whether the drain needs feeding. Only I've had trouble with things needing feeding before, and the bird won't share.
Sione Lomax It needs no feeding, Bernard, none at all, and that's the whole point of it. So let's get you confirmed on the drain-and-felt arrangement, yes?
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, and I'm very interested. Only I'd have to think about it. Tell me, is it one of those arrangements where my nephew would have to sign something?
Sione Lomax Bernard, best man on this floor, and I can tell you nobody signs a thing, that's not how the arrangement works. I'll be quick about it — can I put you down as a yes?
Bernard You're very patient with me, and I do appreciate it. But I've just looked out at the garden and the light's going, and I'm no good at deciding things after four o'clock.
Sione Lomax I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you've reached the right person at the right locality.
  2. Explain the drain and felt arrive together as one arranged bundle.
  3. Address the objection that the two items are plainly unrelated.
  4. Ask for the yes on the combined drain-and-felt arrangement.

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