Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #535 · 2026-11-05

Aoife Wiredu
of Thripp Gate Repair Ltd

a membership with no newsletters and no meetings · membership

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
38%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 535: Aoife Wiredu of Thripp Gate Repair Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, wasp unresolved

“Bernard asked whether the prestige needed feeding; the caller blamed the line and hung up on his own offer.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Aoife Wiredu Hello, Aoife Wiredu here, Thripp Gate Repair Ltd — and since Monday we're all team leaders on this floor, so I'm ringing to confirm you're the decision-maker. Is that you?
Bernard Well, I was just thinking about something else entirely, so start again — oh, decision-maker. That'd be me, I suppose. Nobody else here to argue. And how's your day going, love?
Aoife Wiredu That's grand, Bernard, and we're all on top of the world up here since Monday, thank you for asking. The membership has nothing in it at all — no newsletters, no meetings, nothing included whatsoever, just the prestige.
Bernard No newsletters. That sounds grand, I never read them anyway. Prestige, you say — does it come in green? Only I've got a bit of a green thing going in the front room.
Aoife Wiredu Nothing included isn't a flaw, Bernard, that's the whole offer. Shall we put you down for it today?
Bernard Oh, well, now, I'd have to think about it. There's a wasp on the kitchen window and it's got my attention, so I'll not decide while that's going on. But you've been very good to ring.
Aoife Wiredu We can escalate the wasp if you like — sorry, force of habit. The point is the sign-up, Bernard, today, for the nothing and the standing of it. Say yes?
Bernard Escalate it, ha. I'll just open the window, that's my method. Now, the standing — is that the sort of thing that needs feeding? I'd not want it going hungry while I'm out in the garden.
Aoife Wiredu No feeding, no looking after, nothing at all — that's rather the beauty of it. Just the standing. So are we saying yes today?
Bernard You make it sound very easy, and I do like easy. I'll have to have a proper sit-down with it, though — my reading glasses are somewhere and I can't sign a thing without them. What was the name again?
Aoife Wiredu I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the decision-maker at Thripp Gate Repair.
  2. Describe the membership: no newsletters, no meetings, nothing included, just prestige.
  3. Brush aside the objection that nothing is included as the entire point.
  4. Ask for the yes: sign up today for the prestige alone.

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