Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #532 · 2026-11-05

Jean Iyer
of Trask Brothers, est. 1924

a bundle of a drain and a broom head · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
11%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 532: Jean Iyer of Trask Brothers, est. 1924, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no answer, caller stood down

“Caller lost his place in the list and named himself as the reason; Bernard offered him sympathy and the hedge letter stayed where it was.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Jean Iyer Hello, sorry to ring, this is Jean Iyer from Trask Brothers, established 1924 — I was hoping to speak to whoever handles the household, if that's alright?
Bernard Oh, that's me, I'm the household. Nobody else left to argue with. Trask Brothers, you said — 1924, that's a long while ago now. I don't get many calls, so take your time.
Jean Iyer Right, well, thank you, that's kind. So the arrangement is one drain and one broom head, sold together as a single bundle — I'm just meant to explain that part clearly, so, yes.
Bernard A drain and a broom head together. Well, now, that's an odd pairing, isn't it? Like two things that met at a bus stop. One drain, you said — not two? It's important I get that right.
Jean Iyer Just the one drain, yes — one drain, one broom head, and I know what you're thinking, which is that you've probably got both of those already, and that honestly is the most common thing we hear, so that's quite normal.
Bernard Well, I'd have to go and look, wouldn't I. Hang on, there's a letter from the council about the hedge somewhere and I've an idea it's sitting on top of things. No, that's not it. What was the second one again?
Jean Iyer A broom head — sorry, one drain and one broom head. And I'd not keep you, so would you take the bundle today, just so I've got an answer one way or the other?
Bernard Today? Oh, well, that's very good of you to ask. I'd have to think about it, I'm not quick with these things. Tell me, does the drain come in different sizes, or is it one of those that just sits there?
Jean Iyer Sizes, yes, there's a — sorry, I've lost where I was in the list. Jean, sorry, I'm three weeks in and I'm not going to pretend this is going well. I'll leave you in peace, honestly.
Bernard Oh, I am sorry to hear that. I was very interested, truly I was, so don't you go fretting about it. You mind how you go now.
Jean Iyer Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you're speaking to the householder and mention Trask Brothers, est. 1924.
  2. Explain the arrangement: one drain, one broom head, sold as a single bundle.
  3. Address the objection that you likely have a drain and a broom already.
  4. Ask directly whether they'll take the bundle today.

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