Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #528 · 2026-11-05

Sunita Kinsey
of Prosser Porch Maintenance Services

a monthly boiler noise reports subscription that renews itself · renewing subscription

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 528: Sunita Kinsey of Prosser Porch Maintenance Services, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller surrendered to the line

“Bernard asked whether the report would want feeding; the caller blamed the line and the hour, not the man.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Sunita Kinsey Sunita Kinsey, Prosser Porch Maintenance Services. I'm ringing because your boiler's been keeping notes on itself, and you should hear them.
Bernard Oh, the boiler, is that right? I thought you said it was the porch. Well, I'm glad you rang either way — which door are you at, the front or the back? Only the back one sticks.
Sunita Kinsey Bernard, nobody's at a door, we're on the phone. It's a handy listening service, this — the boiler gets a monthly noise report, all written up, right to you.
Bernard On the phone, of course. A monthly report, you said — does it come in green? Only I've been trying to keep things to green, to go with the garden.
Sunita Kinsey Green it is, Bernard, I'll note that down. And the subscription renews on its own, so it simply keeps arriving — you never have to think about it again.
Bernard Renews itself, does it? That's very good of it. Like the feeder out the back — the squirrel thinks that renews itself too, and I've never once filled it.
Sunita Kinsey Ha — well, our squirrel's better trained than yours, Bernard. So shall I put the first one in the post to you, then?
Bernard The first one in the post, yes, that would be lovely. Now, would it want feeding, do you think? Only I'd hate for it to arrive and go hungry.
Sunita Kinsey Honestly, Bernard, I've rather lost my place now. I'll blame the line and the hour, not you — we'll leave it there.
Bernard Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I was very interested, mind, but you get yourself off and mind the traffic. Bye now.
Sunita Kinsey I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you're through to the boiler's registered keeper.
  2. Describe the monthly noise report as a handy listening service.
  3. Explain renewal continues automatically so reports never lapse.
  4. Ask if they'd like the first report posted out.

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