Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #525 · 2026-11-05

Cian Thackeray
of Pratt and Sons, est. 1924

a annual hedge trim that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
9%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard asked whether the trim comes in green and offered the trimmers tea; caller confirmed nothing needs signing, then put the phone down on his own escalation.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Cian Thackeray Hello there, Cian Thackeray here, team leader at Pratt and Sons, established 1924 — we're ringing about your annual hedge trim, which comes as a courtesy.
Bernard Hello there, young man. Now — I had the wireless on, and I've lost the thread of it entirely, so you'll have to bear with me. Pratt and Sons, you say? That's the... the trimming people, is it?
Cian Thackeray Yes, that's us, the hedge people — and the annual trim is included as a courtesy with your existing arrangement, so there's nothing to do on your end. We're all quite pleased to be handling it, since I only took over as team leader on Monday.
Bernard Monday! Well, that's the worst day for starting anything, so congratulations to you. And the annual trim — included, you say? I don't remember arranging a thing, but my memory's not what it was. Does it come in green?
Cian Thackeray It comes however you'd like, and I can have the whole floor check if you want — we're happy to escalate. The point is, nobody needs to have arranged it, that's just how it works on our side.
Bernard Oh, that's very good of you. Now, the back step here is lower than it looks, so mind yourself if you're ever round this way. The trimmers — would they want a cup of tea, do you think, when they come?
Cian Thackeray That's kind, and the lads would appreciate it. So just to confirm — can the trimmers plan on attending this year?
Bernard Well, now, I'd have to think about it — I'm very interested, mind, but I can never find my glasses when a thing needs signing. Tell me again, is it the hedges at the front or the ones at the back? I've got both.
Cian Thackeray Both, I believe — front and back. We're all across it here, and if it helps I can escalate the paperwork so nothing needs signing at all.
Bernard That's a weight off, that is. Only there's a bird in the front room and he's particular about strangers, so I'd want to be here when they come. Which day were we saying?
Cian Thackeray Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and Pratt and Sons, established 1924, as though they should know you.
  2. Explain the annual hedge trim as a courtesy included with their existing arrangement.
  3. Address the objection that nobody requested it by framing it as standard practice.
  4. Ask them to confirm the trimmers may attend this year.

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