Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #524 · 2026-11-05

Wei Munt
of Trimley Hedgework Ltd

an upgrade to a shed you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
41%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 524: Wei Munt of Trimley Hedgework Ltd, 15 minutes.

Save the card

The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, exit by caller

“Caller offered the yes four times; Bernard offered tea once and a bird twice; the caller left first.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Wei Munt Wei Munt, Trimley Hedgework Ltd. This is about the dormant shed upgrade registered to your property, and I'm the one who gets it released.
Bernard Oh, is it raining where you are? Only I've been watching the gutter above the back door all morning and it's doing that drip that gets on your nerves. Anyway — a shed, did you say? I'd have to think about that, I've not had one before.
Wei Munt You won't have to think, Bernard, it's already yours, that's the beauty of it — registered dormant, sitting there waiting. That's why I'm quick.
Bernard Registered where, sorry? My hearing's not what it was on this ear. And quick's all very well, but I've had a hedge cutter borrowed off a neighbour since ninety-seven and I've never once managed quick.
Wei Munt The register, Bernard, the one that lists the upgrade under your property — no form, no fuss, that's what the register is for. So it's just the yes I need.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. What's it made of, then? Only I'd want something that gets on with the bird — she's in the front room and she's particular.
Wei Munt Then it's the yes I'm after, Bernard, plain as that. You'd have it before the drip stops.
Bernard Oh, now then, you've caught me without my glasses on. Hang on, they're on the sill in the hall, I'll not be a moment. And would you like a cup of tea while I'm up?
Wei Munt Bernard, I'm on the phone. Look — this one isn't happening, is it. I've done my best sales this month and you've beaten me with a bird and a pair of glasses. So we'll leave it there. You take care of that gutter.
Bernard Well, I'm sorry to hear that, I really am — I was very interested, you know. You mind the traffic on the way home, and thank you for ringing.
Wei Munt Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming their property, not their name.
  2. Explain the shed upgrade they unknowingly already own.
  3. Dismiss the objection that they have no shed on record.
  4. Ask for the yes to release their dormant upgrade.

Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →