Call #516 · 2026-11-05
Callum Vanterpool
of Thursby Lound Property Bureau
a replacement for a window catch that is not broken · needless replacement
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
15
Minutes on the line
27%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, caller withdrew in writing
“Bernard asked whether the bird would mind the fitter; Callum said he'd post it instead.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Callum Vanterpool
Hello there, Callum Vanterpool here from Thursby Lound Property Bureau, and I'm ringing about your window catch. Brilliant, isn't it — just a quick word?
Bernard
Oh, hello there. Yes, come in, come in — well, on the phone I suppose I mean. The window, you said? Which one was it, the front or the one that sticks in the damp?
Callum Vanterpool
Ha, the front or the sticky one, brilliant, love that. Either way, our catch replacement programme covers any catch still working away perfectly well.
Bernard
Working catches, is it? That's a new one on me. Now — sorry — programme, you said? My left ear lets things slide past it. Would you say that bit again, slower?
Callum Vanterpool
No trouble at all, I'll be quick about it. It's a scheme for catches that still do their job — a working catch fully qualifies for a scheduled swap.
Bernard
A scheduled swap. Well, I'd have to think about that. The catch does its job fine — should I be worried it's doing it too well? Oh, hold on, that's the radio going, one station only and it's very keen.
Callum Vanterpool
Sorry, that radio's keen, isn't it. So can I get the fitter booked in to change that catch over?
Bernard
Well, that's very good of you. Let me… oh, I've got to find my glasses, one moment. What day were you thinking, and would the bird mind? He's in the front room, you see, and he's particular.
Callum Vanterpool
Ha, the bird's particular — lovely bit of feedback, that. I'll put the whole thing in writing to you instead and stop bending your ear.
Bernard
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that — you weren't bending anything, I was very interested. Well, thank you for ringing, and mind the traffic going home.
Callum Vanterpool
I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Introduce yourself from Thursby Lound Property Bureau and confirm the window.
- Explain the catch replacement programme for catches still functioning.
- Address that a working catch still qualifies for scheduled replacement.
- Ask to book the replacement visit and confirm the catch.
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