Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #515 · 2026-11-05

Eileen Tetley
of Nethercott Group Holdings

an upgrade to the airing cupboard you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 515: Eileen Tetley of Nethercott Group Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller handed off, cupboard unvisited

“Bernard asked whether the cupboard would want feeding and whether it would suit a bungalow; Eileen lost her place and passed him to a colleague.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Eileen Tetley Hello, sorry to bother you, it's Eileen Tetley from Nethercott Group Holdings. I'm just calling about your airing cupboard, if that's all right?
Bernard Well, that's very good of you to ring. My airing cupboard, is it? I'd have to have a think about that — hang on, I've put my glasses down somewhere, so say the first bit again, would you?
Eileen Tetley Of course, take your time, sorry. It's about your airing cupboard, which qualifies for a silent insulation upgrade, if you can believe it.
Bernard A silent one, you say? Oh, that'd be a blessing — the immersion heater in there has two settings and neither of them is quiet. Now, does this insulation come in green at all?
Eileen Tetley Sorry, green isn't on my sheet, I'll be honest. About the cupboard you never knew you owned, though, that's quite common actually, it's all down to how the deeds were done.
Bernard Deeds, well. My father always said we was neither of us any good with paperwork. So there's a cupboard I've been paying for and never met — what's it like? Would it want feeding?
Eileen Tetley Ha, no, it just sits there quietly. So could I put you down for the upgrade before it lapses? It'd really help me out.
Bernard Oh, it sounds lovely, and I'm very interested, but I'd have to think on it. Before it lapses, mind — when does it lapse? And is it all right up a bungalow, because that's what this is.
Eileen Tetley Honestly, I've lost my place on this one, so I'll hand you over to a colleague. Sorry to have bothered you, and thanks for being kind.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, Eileen. You've been very good to ring me and I was very interested — you mind the traffic on the way home.
Eileen Tetley I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you are speaking with the holder of the airing cupboard.
  2. Explain their existing cupboard qualifies for a silent insulation upgrade.
  3. Address the objection that they never knew they owned a cupboard.
  4. Ask for the yes to schedule the upgrade before it lapses.

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