Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #511 · 2026-11-04

Aisling Petley
of Ottley Brothers, est. 1911

a seasonal gutter water subscription that renews itself · renewing subscription

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
4%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 511: Aisling Petley of Ottley Brothers, est. 1911, 15 minutes.

Save the card

The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit; caller closed himself

“Bernard asked whether the subscription would get on with a bird; the caller confirmed it would, then lost the thread and hung up on his own pitch.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Aisling Petley Aisling Petley here, Ottley Brothers, trading since 1911. I'm ringing because your gutters deserve better water than the sky keeps giving them, and I can fix that.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. Ottley Brothers, you say — my uncle had a shed padlock with no key, bit like that. Now, gutter water, is it? Does it come in green?
Aisling Petley Bernard, I'll be quick — seasonal gutter water, delivered to your door as a subscription, and it renews itself so you never have to think about it again. Shall I start you off?
Bernard Renews itself — like the stair rod, that never needs doing anything to it either. Well, I'd have to think about that. Would it want feeding at all, this subscription?
Aisling Petley Nothing to remember on your part, Bernard — it keeps itself going, quietly, in the background. Shall I put you down for the seasonal gutter water?
Bernard Oh, quietly in the background, that's how I like things. Now then — does it get on with a bird? Because there's one in the front room, and I wouldn't want any awkwardness.
Aisling Petley It's just water, Bernard, it won't trouble a bird at all — it's all handled behind the scenes. So shall I start your subscription?
Bernard Well, that's a weight off. I'm very interested, I really am — hold on, I've just got to look at something in the hall. Now what was it you were starting me on again?
Aisling Petley Your seasonal gutter water, Bernard, and the lovely part is it keeps coming. Honestly, I'm the best closer on this floor and I haven't even— I've lost it. I've lost the thread entirely. I'm going to leave it there, Bernard.
Bernard Oh, that's a shame, I was genuinely interested. Thank you for a lovely chat, and safe home now.
Aisling Petley Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and Ottley Brothers, trading since 1911.
  2. Pitch seasonal gutter water delivered as convenient, self-renewing subscription.
  3. Address objection: renewal continues automatically, so no reordering needed.
  4. Ask for the yes: shall I start your seasonal gutter water subscription?

Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →