Call #506 · 2026-11-04
Alan Ncube
of Ingleby Thorp Property Bureau
an annual inspection of a clothesline you have never used · inspection
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit
“Bernard asked which year he was booking; caller logged it as notes and rang off.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Alan Ncube
Hello there, Alan Ncube from Ingleby Thorp Property Bureau — just a quick Bureau matter about your annual clothesline inspection.
Bernard
Well, hello, Alan. Hold on, let me turn the radio down — there we are. A clothesline, did you say? I've not had one of those up in years.
Alan Ncube
That's brilliant, thank you, that's just the feedback I need. Now the inspection applies whether or not a line exists, so you're in exactly the right spot.
Bernard
Whether or not it exists... well, that's thorough, I'll say that for you. So they'd come and look at the nothing where it isn't. What does that cost a fellow, roughly?
Alan Ncube
Ha, love that — brilliant, really. And here's the lovely thing: not having one is precisely when the inspection matters most, so it's honestly the best possible news.
Bernard
Best possible news, is it? Well, that's very good of you. I'm very interested, now what was it again — the inspection of the, the thing that isn't there.
Alan Ncube
Ha, that's the spirit! So just to confirm, can I put you down for the annual inspection booking for this year?
Bernard
Well now, I'd have to think about it. Only the clock in the hall's four minutes fast and I keep meaning to see to it, and now I've clean forgotten what year it is. Which year are we booking, did you say?
Alan Ncube
Lovely, that's notes for me. I'll try you again another day.
Bernard
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I was very interested, truly I was. You take care going home now.
Alan Ncube
I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by confirming you have reached the householder about a Bureau matter.
- Explain the annual clothesline inspection applies whether or not a line exists.
- If they say they have no clothesline, note that's exactly when inspection is essential.
- Close by asking them to confirm the inspection booking for this year.
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