Call #504 · 2026-11-04
Yvonne Pickles
of Underhill, Cresswell and Wainwright Driveway Sealing Partnership
a bundle of a conservatory roof and a length of hose · bundle
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
15
Minutes on the line
14%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, hose unresolved
“Bernard asked whether the roof needed feeding; caller lost his place and hung up on himself.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Yvonne Pickles
Hello, sorry to bother you — it's Yvonne Pickles at Underhill, Cresswell and Wainwright Driveway Sealing Partnership, and I'm ringing about a rather unusual bundle we're offering.
Bernard
Oh, hello there — Yvonne, was it? I've put my glasses down somewhere. Say the first bit again, would you, love?
Yvonne Pickles
Sorry, yes — sorry, I do talk too fast. It's the conservatory roof and a length of hose, sold together as one bundle; my supervisor says I should say it slower.
Bernard
A conservatory roof and a hose. Well, that's very good of you. Do they go together, then, or is that just how they're sold? Only I'd have said they were two different things entirely.
Yvonne Pickles
I know they sound like two different things, but they do belong together — the paperwork's quite clear on that, honestly. Sorry, that's not a very good answer, is it.
Bernard
No, no, it's a perfectly good answer, I'm not finding fault. It's just I've a shed with a soft bit in the roof and a bucket under it, and I'm wondering if a hose is the missing piece.
Yvonne Pickles
Oh, that's actually rather a good question and I'm not sure I'm allowed to answer it. Would you take the conservatory roof and hose bundle today, though — just so I can put something down?
Bernard
Well, I'd have to think about it, I really would. Would it need feeding, the roof? Only the bird gets a bit jealous of anything new in the front room.
Yvonne Pickles
Sorry — feeding, right — no, I don't think the roof needs feeding, and I'm now worried that wasn't in the script at all. I'll be honest, I've lost my place and...
Bernard
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, love. You sounded like you were doing a grand job. I'll let you get on — thank you for ringing, all the same.
Yvonne Pickles
Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by greeting them warmly and confirming you have reached the right household.
- Explain the arrangement: a conservatory roof plus a length of hose, sold as one bundle.
- Address the objection that the two items seem unrelated—insist they belong together.
- Ask directly whether they will take the conservatory roof and hose bundle today.
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