Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #503 · 2026-11-04

Sunita Bellhouse
of Pratt Dwelling Ltd

a monthly drain survey that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 503: Sunita Bellhouse of Pratt Dwelling Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, bird on chimney pot

“Bernard asked whether the survey came in green; the caller noted this and conceded the call was not going to happen.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Sunita Bellhouse Sunita Bellhouse, Pratt Dwelling Ltd — I'm ringing about the drain survey on your property, and I'm assuming you're the drain-owning contact. Am I right?
Bernard Oh, hello there. Well, I suppose I am, yes — nobody else here to own anything. The drain does all the draining round here. What was the name of the firm again, dear?
Sunita Bellhouse Pratt Dwelling Ltd, Bernard — the best on my floor, and you've got me, so you're in good hands. Now, the monthly survey just arrives unbidden, all courtesy, no request needed.
Bernard Unbidden, you say. Well, that's very good of you. Does it need signing for, or does it just turn up like the gas man? I'm in most days.
Sunita Bellhouse It just turns up, Bernard, no signing, no waiting in — but I know what you're thinking, and that's the whole point of pipe peace of mind. Nobody ordered it, and that's exactly why it's free to say yes to.
Bernard Pipe peace of mind. Oh, that's a nice phrase, that. My late wife would've said the same about the gutters. Now, would this survey of yours come in green at all? Only I'm partial to green.
Sunita Bellhouse Green — noted, Bernard, I'll put a word in. So shall we keep the survey rolling from next month? I'll take that as a yes, shall I?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it — mind, that's not a no. Tell you what, give me a moment, I've just got to look at the chimney pot, there's a bird been at it.
Sunita Bellhouse Take your time, Bernard, but I'll be honest with you — I don't think this one's going to happen, and that's a first for me today.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, I really am. I was very interested, you know. You mind how you go now.
Sunita Bellhouse Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming she is the drain-owning contact at the property.
  2. Explain the monthly survey arrives unbidden as a courtesy, not a request.
  3. Pre-empt the objection that nobody ordered it by citing pipe peace of mind.
  4. Ask for the yes to keep the survey rolling from next month.

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