Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #502 · 2026-11-04

Clive Prasad
of Bellhouse and Daughter, est. 1948

an upgrade to a side gate you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
6%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 502: Clive Prasad of Bellhouse and Daughter, est. 1948, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller withdrew in writing

“Bernard offered to say yes in a heartbeat, then asked whether the gate would need feeding; the caller chose the post.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Clive Prasad Clive Prasad, Bellhouse and Daughter, established 1948 — we spoke about your side gate, and I'd like a moment on the upgrade.
Bernard Oh, the gutters, yes — no? Well, that's all right, the gate's just as good. It sticks in the wet, mind, so an upgrade sounds very sensible. What does it do, this upgrade?
Clive Prasad No, not the gutters, Mr Pottle — the gate. The improvement applies to the gate you already possess, per policy forty-one, so no new gate is supplied.
Bernard Policy forty-one, right you are. So it's the same gate, just… improved. Well, I'd have to think about it. Would it come in green at all? The one out there's a sort of rusty browny-green and I've got used to it.
Clive Prasad That's fine, think it over. Most folks don't realise the gate was ever theirs to begin with, but it came with the boundary when you took the house on.
Bernard Came with the boundary, did it? Well, I never knew that. There's a lot I don't know about this house — there's a ladder in the shed with a rung gone and I keep meaning to mention it to someone. Sorry, what were we saying?
Clive Prasad Right you are. So, may I take your yes to authorise the work on your gate? Just the gate.
Bernard Oh, it's very good of you to ask. I'd say yes in a heartbeat, only I can't quite picture it. Would the thing need feeding, do you think? Sorry — the bird's in the front room and she has opinions.
Clive Prasad You've been very patient with me, Mr Pottle, and I'm clearly not getting anywhere on the phone today. I'll put it all in writing to you instead, with the reference number on the top.
Bernard Well, I'm sorry to hear that — I was very interested, truly. You've been very decent about it, so you have. You mind the traffic on the way home, now.
Clive Prasad I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by asking after the Bellhouse side gate, as if it's a shared secret.
  2. Explain the upgrade applies to the gate they already own, no new gate.
  3. Address the objection that they never knew the gate was theirs.
  4. Ask for the yes on authorising the upgrade to the gate.

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