Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #496 · 2026-11-04

Adebayo Quist
of Pellow Garth Continuity Bureau

an upgrade to a greenhouse you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 496: Adebayo Quist of Pellow Garth Continuity Bureau, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no yes, no tea order

“Bernard offered the caller tea and condolences; the caller declined both and closed the file himself.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Adebayo Quist Hello, Adebayo Quist, Pellow Garth Continuity Bureau. We're calling about the glasshouse on your property and the new panes already in it.
Bernard Oh, you've caught me in the middle of something, but carry on. The glasshouse, you say? Now remind me, is that the one at the bottom of the garden or the other one?
Adebayo Quist Not a problem at all, we can wait. Just so it's clear, the improvement's already been done and it's billed as such.
Bernard Billed, is it. Well, that's very good of you. Now, what was the name of your place again — Pellow Garth, was it? I knew a Pellow once, or maybe it was a Fellow.
Adebayo Quist No trouble — the records list us as holding it. So we'd just like your yes on the upgrade, backdated to last spring.
Bernard Last spring, oh, that was a wet one, wasn't it. And you hold the — sorry, hold the what, exactly? My hearing's fine, it's the phone that's muffled.
Adebayo Quist We'd just like a yes from you now, backdated to last spring.
Bernard A yes, a yes. Well, I'd want to think about it over a cup of something. Would you like me to put you down as wanting tea, if you were here? Milk or no milk?
Adebayo Quist That's terribly kind, but we just need one word from you.
Bernard One word, is it. Well, that puts me on the spot, doesn't it. Tell you what, you've been very patient with an old fellow, and I'm sorry to hear you've got to give it up. Best of luck to you, now.
Adebayo Quist Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming their address and naming the greenhouse on it.
  2. Explain the upgrade: better glazing already fitted, billed as improvement.
  3. Handle objection: they never owned a greenhouse; say the Bureau holds it.
  4. Ask for the yes to the upgrade, retroactive from last spring.

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