Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #495 · 2026-11-04

Gillian Mowbray
of Thripp, Onions and Voss Cavity Care Partnership

a fortnightly chimney soot subscription that renews itself · renewing subscription

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
11%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 495: Gillian Mowbray of Thripp, Onions and Voss Cavity Care Partnership, 15 minutes.

Save the card

The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit, caller exited

“Bernard asked whether soot was a sort of flannel and whether it needed feeding; Gillian asked for a yes, then posted it instead.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Gillian Mowbray Hello, this is Gillian Mowbray at Thripp, Onions and Voss Cavity Care Partnership. I'm ringing to confirm your chimney flues and your current soot arrangements, if that's all right.
Bernard Oh, I'm lovely and warm, thank you for asking. Are you warm enough where you're sitting? Now then, flues and soot, you said — I've got a chimney, I'm fairly sure. What was the partnership's name again, dear?
Gillian Mowbray It's Thripp, Onions and Voss — and the current soot arrangements, that's the starting point, per our policy. Now, great news: our fortnightly soot subscription renews itself automatically, so you never have to think about it again.
Bernard Automatic, you say. Well, that's very good of you, because I do forget things. Soot, though — is it a sort of flannel? Only my sister-in-law bought me a subscription to something once and it turned out to be cheese.
Gillian Mowbray No, not a flannel. Soot is collected anyway, I know, but the subscription gives you scheduled certainty — that's policy four-oh-two — so it's the same collector, on a set fortnight, every fortnight.
Bernard Scheduled certainty, right, that's a good phrase. Now my fence panel leans a bit where the dog pushes it — different thing entirely, I know. Let me just pop the phone down a moment and see if I've a pen.
Gillian Mowbray Take your time with the pen. So — shall we start the renewal subscription today, then?
Bernard That all sounds very sensible, and I'd like to think on it. One thing — would it need feeding at all? I ask because I've a bird in the front room and she's particular.
Gillian Mowbray Nothing needs any looking after at all, so there's nothing to forget. A yes on the renewal today would settle it.
Bernard Well, I'm very tempted, dear, I really am. Let me get your name written down properly on the pad first.
Gillian Mowbray I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming the partnership's chimney flues and current soot arrangements.
  2. Describe the fortnightly soot subscription and its automatic renewal convenience.
  3. Address the objection that soot is collected anyway by explaining scheduled certainty.
  4. Ask for the yes on starting the fortnightly renewal subscription today.

Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →