Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #492 · 2026-11-04

Kwame Palgrave
of Harkness Loft Ladders and Son

a replacement for the immersion heater that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
11%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 492: Kwame Palgrave of Harkness Loft Ladders and Son, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no agreement, caller self-terminated

“Bernard asked whether the safety upgrade needed feeding; Kwame Palgrave cited his Monday promotion and rang off, promising another day.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Kwame Palgrave Hello, Kwame Palgrave here from Harkness Loft Ladders and Son, and the whole floor's behind me on this one — when did you last have that immersion heater replaced?
Bernard Oh, the immersion heater. Well, now, let me think. I was just looking at the landing carpet and that stair rod that keeps working loose — sorry, what was it you said? Replaced, was it?
Kwame Palgrave No need to think back, sir — the team and I are looking forward, not back. This isn't a repair, it's a safety upgrade that keeps future failures from ever happening in the first place.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, a safety upgrade. Does it need feeding, at all? Only I've got a bird out here and she's particular about new things in the house.
Kwame Palgrave It's not the sort of thing that needs feeding, no — and the whole floor would tell you the same. You see, "not broken" isn't the same as safe; there's wear and tear inside that nobody can see.
Bernard Wear and tear, right. Oh, I did have someone in about a stair rod once. Well, I'd have to think about it — what was the figure again, roughly? Not that it matters, it's all pretend money to me.
Kwame Palgrave Then let's do this properly, sir — we in the team just need a yes from you today, while the old one's still holding on. Can I take that as agreed?
Bernard A yes today, well. Hold on a moment, I've just got to ease the door open, it sticks something dreadful in this weather. Are you still there? What was it you wanted, a yes to?
Kwame Palgrave This is what I get for being made team leader on Monday. We'll leave it there and ring you back another day.
Bernard Oh, I am sorry to hear that. I was very interested, truly, but you take care now and mind the traffic on the way home.
Kwame Palgrave I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by asking when the immersion heater was last replaced, implying old age might be a risk.
  2. Explain the replacement heater as a safety upgrade that prevents future failures, not a fix.
  3. Counter that 'not broken' doesn't mean safe by citing unseen wear and tear.
  4. Ask for the order now, before the old one finally gives out.

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