Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #482 · 2026-11-04

Jean Vanterpool
of Palgrave Glazing Services

a replacement for the stair carpet that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
58%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 482: Jean Vanterpool of Palgrave Glazing Services, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno complaint, no measurement, no green

“Bernard offered the caller shelter from the cold; the caller offered to escalate green as a kindness; the bird was not consulted.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Jean Vanterpool Hello, Jean Vanterpool here, Palgrave Glazing Services. We're calling to confirm we've reached the person responsible for the stairs.
Bernard Oh, hello. Yes, I'm warm enough, thank you — are you? You're very welcome to come in out of the cold, if that's where you're standing.
Jean Vanterpool That's kind of you, Bernard. We're not cold, we're all together here on the floor, and it's team leader week for me, so we're moving things along nicely.
Bernard Team leader week — well, that's very good of you. I hope they're looking after you. Now, what was it you wanted to ask me about?
Jean Vanterpool We do appreciate that. You see, the replacement stair carpet isn't about wear at all, it's for a quieter, softer surface underfoot — and we'd happily note that the one you've got suits fine.
Bernard Quieter, you say. Oh, that would be nice — I'm always up and down at odd hours. Does it come in green, by any chance?
Jean Vanterpool We'll put green in the notes — and we'd escalate that all the way up as a kindness. So may we ask whether anyone's complained about the current one?
Bernard Complained? About my stairs? Nobody's said a word — though the bird does stare at them sometimes. Do you think I ought to ask him?
Jean Vanterpool We'd hold off on asking the bird, Bernard — we'll just say nobody's raised anything. What we'd like now is to measure, and the team says we only need a little of your time.
Bernard That's very thorough of you. I'd have to see when I'm free — things do pile up, don't they.
Jean Vanterpool Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the person responsible for the stairs.
  2. Explain the new stair carpet is not for wear, but for a quieter, softer surface.
  3. Acknowledge the current carpet suits fine, and ask whether anyone has complained.
  4. Ask whether you can measure the stairs for a replacement quote.

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