Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #481 · 2026-11-04

Nadia Bellhouse
of Eriksen Threshold Ltd

a annual shed check that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
12%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 481: Nadia Bellhouse of Eriksen Threshold Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no signature, no colour option

“Bernard asked whether the shed check came in green to match the shed; Nadia said colour wasn't really a thing on this one, then lost her thread and opted for the post.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Nadia Bellhouse Nadia Bellhouse, Eriksen Threshold. Just confirming you're the registered keeper of a shed.
Bernard Well, now, the shed. Yes, that'll be me — the one at the bottom of the garden with the door that sticks. Hold on, is that a shed question or have you rung about the loft hatch?
Nadia Bellhouse Shed's the one, so that's us. The annual shed check just turns up each year, unbidden, no appointment to chase.
Bernard Unbidden, you say. Well, that's very good of you. And nothing to pay and nothing to sign? I only ask because my drawer of instructions is so full I couldn't fit another one in.
Nadia Bellhouse Nothing to sign, nothing to do. It's a courtesy, that's the whole of it.
Bernard A courtesy. Well, I like the sound of that. Does it come in green at all? Only the shed's that sort of mossy colour and I'd hate it to clash.
Nadia Bellhouse Colour's not really a thing on this one. So just the yes, and it renews automatically each year without further notice.
Bernard Automatically, without further notice. Well, I'd have to think about that one — but you've been very patient. Are you having a busy day of it, or is it mostly sheds?
Nadia Bellhouse I'll be honest, it's mostly sheds, and I've rather lost my thread now. I'll put it all in writing and send it out to you instead.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that — I was very interested, truly. You take care on the way home, and mind how you go.
Nadia Bellhouse I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming they are the registered keeper of a shed.
  2. Explain the annual shed check will simply arrive each year unbidden.
  3. Dismiss objections: it is a courtesy, and they need do nothing.
  4. Ask for the yes, outlining automatic renewal without further notice.

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