Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #476 · 2026-11-03

Wendy Dlamini
of Ingleby Thorp Group Holdings

an upgrade to a fridge you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
9%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 476: Wendy Dlamini of Ingleby Thorp Group Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller lost place and exited

“Bernard asked whether the bird would mind the fridge; the caller said he'd lost his place on the sheet and put the phone down.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Wendy Dlamini Wendy Dlamini here, Ingleby Thorp Group Holdings. I'm ringing about the fridge upgrade that applies to your unit, and I'd like to verify I have the correct householder at this address.
Bernard Oh, well, now — yes, that's me, Bernard Pottle, this is the house. You said a fridge, did you? I've put my glasses down somewhere, so you'll have to bear with me while I have a look round.
Wendy Dlamini Thank you, Mr Pottle, that's noted as a positive identification. And just so we're clear on the record, the appliance isn't one you purchased — it's held under our scheme, section four, subsection two, so it's already ours to upgrade.
Bernard Ah, section four, right you are. Only there's a fridge in the kitchen and I've had it since — oh, must be the spring before last, or was it the one after. Anyway, you said it's ours but it's yours? I'm not quite following.
Wendy Dlamini I do understand, it's not the easiest to follow, and under policy nine dash two I'm obliged to say so plainly. You won't find the appliance on your own documents because the record's held at our end, reference rather a lot of sevens, not with you.
Bernard Not with me, no. Well, that does explain it — I'm always losing things, you should see the state of my hall. Reference with sevens in it, you said? Would that be the coal scuttle sort of arrangement, or am I off the mark?
Wendy Dlamini Then I'll ask plainly and leave the rest aside: may I take your yes, Mr Pottle? One word from you and the forms go out in the post.
Bernard That's very good of you, and I'm very interested, I really am. Only I'd want to know whether it comes in green — my kitchen's a bit dark and a green one would cheer it up no end. Would the bird mind it, do you think?
Wendy Dlamini The paperwork's just for the workings, colour isn't in it. Sorry, I've gone and lost my place on the sheet.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, truly — I was very interested, mind. You get yourself sorted and mind the traffic on the way home, won't you.
Wendy Dlamini Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the right person at the locality.
  2. Explain the fridge upgrade applies to a fridge the company already owns.
  3. Address the objection that they have no record of any fridge.
  4. Ask for the yes to send the upgrade paperwork.

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