Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #470 · 2026-11-03

Petra Crump
of The Trust for Household Continuity

a annual rain off the back roof subscription that renews itself · renewing subscription

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 470: Petra Crump of The Trust for Household Continuity, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, line dead, colour unresolved

“Bernard asked whether the rain was the special subscriber sort; caller escalated the colour question to the floor and was not heard from again.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Petra Crump Hello there, Petra Crump from The Trust for Household Continuity — and yes, we've made me team leader as of Monday, so you're in good hands. We're ringing about your roof.
Bernard Oh, congratulations on the promotion, that's lovely news. Well, now, the roof — is this the one about the gutters? Because I've been up on a stepladder looking at them and I'm not sure they're all still there, to be honest.
Petra Crump No, not gutters as such — this is the annual rain off the back roof subscription, and it's effortless peace of mind, we all think. Your bit of the roof that the rain runs off, looked after, so you don't have to think about it.
Bernard Effortless piece of mind, that's the very thing, my wife used to say I'd lose mine if it weren't attached. So this rain off the back roof, is it the same rain everyone gets, or is it a special sort you keep for the subscribers?
Petra Crump Same rain, same rain, just properly accounted for. Now the bit people always ask: do I have to do anything — no, you don't, renewal's automatic, so nothing lands on you.
Bernard Well, that's a relief, because nothing much lands on me these days as it is. Automatic, you say — so if I'm out in the garden on the day, does it wait for me, or does it just go ahead without my say-so?
Petra Crump It goes ahead with no say-so needed, that's the whole point of the subscription. So may we put the yes in and start this year's cover immediately?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, that's very good of you — but hold on, let me just get the door, the key sticks something dreadful. Now, does this cover come in green at all?
Petra Crump Green, right, I'll note that, and we can escalate the colour question to the floor if it helps. But the subscription itself — can we start this year's cover immediately?
Bernard You're very patient with me. Yes, I'm keen as mustard, but what was that word again, the one before cover — subscription, was it? My hearing's grand, it's just this ear.
Petra Crump Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open warmly as the Trust for Household Continuity, guardian of your roof.
  2. Describe the annual rain off the back roof subscription as effortless peace of mind.
  3. Address the objection: no, you do not need to do anything, renewal is automatic.
  4. Ask for the yes to start this year's cover immediately.

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