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Call #466 · 2026-11-03

Tomasz Prasad
of The Association of Loft Hatch Custodians

an upgrade to a back step you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
38%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 466: Tomasz Prasad of The Association of Loft Hatch Custodians, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit, colleague dispatched

“Bernard offered the caller tea and a thinking period; caller declined both and handed the file to a colleague.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Tomasz Prasad Hello there, Tomasz Prasad here from The Association of Loft Hatch Custodians, ringing because our records show you're the registered custodian of a back step. Brilliant, isn't it?
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. Custodian of a back step, you say — I'd no idea I'd come up in anybody's records. And is that a paid position, or more of an honorary thing?
Tomasz Prasad Ha, honorary, I'd say, lovely attitude though. Anyway, the good news is the upgrade applies to the step you already have, so you're all set for it.
Bernard Oh, that's handy. Now — is it the step at the back door or the little one by the shed? Only I've a ladder in there with a rung missing, and I don't want it getting ideas above itself.
Tomasz Prasad Brilliant, a step that gets ideas above itself, I love that. Whichever one it is, doesn't matter, because it's not structural — just a quiet formal improvement, nothing you'd even notice.
Bernard Quiet and formal, that sounds like my sort of thing. Does it make a noise, though? Only I've a drain by the gate that gurgles of a night, and I'd not want two of them at it.
Tomasz Prasad Ha, two of them at it, that's a picture. Gurgling's not our department at all, so nothing to fret about there.
Bernard That's a relief. Now, would you like a cup of tea while we're at it? I've the pot on and nowhere particular to be — you've caught me at a very good moment.
Tomasz Prasad You're very kind about the tea, honestly. If I could just get your yes on this call, we'd be all done and dusted.
Bernard Oh, well, I'm very interested, I really am. I'd just want to think about it a moment — now what was it called again, the quiet thing?
Tomasz Prasad I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming they are the registered custodian of a back step.
  2. Explain the upgrade applies to the step they already have.
  3. Reassure the upgrade is not structural, just a quiet formal improvement.
  4. Ask them to approve the upgrade on the call now.

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