Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #465 · 2026-11-03

Wendy Lomax
of Prosser Loft Boarding and Son

a replacement for a hedge that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
11%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 465: Wendy Lomax of Prosser Loft Boarding and Son, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Caller blamed the line. The line had done nothing wrong; it had simply carried the whole call faithfully to its end.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Wendy Lomax Bernard, Wendy Lomax here from Prosser Loft Boarding and Son. I spotted your hedge while I was up boarding a loft nearby, and I'd like a word about replacing it.
Bernard Oh, hello Wendy, lovely to hear from you. I've put my glasses down somewhere, so say the first bit again — you were up in somebody's loft, you said?
Wendy Lomax That's right, Bernard, up in a loft with a lovely view of your hedge. Now here's the thing — the replacement hedge gives you exactly that same look with no actual hedge involved.
Bernard No hedge at all? Well, that's clever. Does it mind the frost, this one, or would I need to bring it in over winter?
Wendy Lomax And that's precisely why the existing hedge being perfectly fine is the point, Bernard — no frost to worry about, nothing to bring in. So can I put a firm date in the diary for the swap?
Bernard Oh, a diary, that's very organised. I'd have to look at the calendar in the hall — the boiler's been clicking itself awake of a night, so I'm up and down anyway. What day were you thinking?
Wendy Lomax Bernard, that's the beauty of it — I can work around the clicking boiler entirely. Say the word and I'll have you down for the swap, no fuss.
Bernard You're very good to me. Only, my neighbour's got one of these already, I think, and hers has never been the same since — what was it now, the thing with the... no, it's gone. What was the name of your firm again?
Wendy Lomax Prosser Loft Boarding and Son, Bernard. Give me the word and I'll have you down for a date.
Bernard Well, I'm very interested indeed, I really am. I'll have a proper think and let you know — you mind the traffic on the way home now.
Wendy Lomax I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by mentioning you noticed their hedge while boarding a nearby loft.
  2. Explain the replacement hedge preserves the look without any actual hedge.
  3. Address the objection: the existing hedge being fine is exactly the point.
  4. Ask whether you can pencil in a firm date for the swap.

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