Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #464 · 2026-11-03

Stuart Eriksen
of Bramblehyde Property Bureau

a bundle of a soakaway and a bag of gravel · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 464: Stuart Eriksen of Bramblehyde Property Bureau, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller withdrew under own steam

“Bernard offered the caller a cup of something and a look at the paperwork; caller declined both and cited Tuesday.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Stuart Eriksen Stuart Eriksen, Bramblehyde Property Bureau. Ringing about your soakaway arrangement — that's the one on record, yes?
Bernard Oh, hello! Just a moment, I'm in the cupboard under the stairs looking for something. Soakaway, you said — well, that's very good of you. Now, is that the arrangement to do with the water, or is it a different arrangement entirely?
Stuart Eriksen It's the water one, yes. Look, the bundle is a soakaway plus a bag of gravel, listed together — that's the whole thing.
Bernard A soakaway and a bag of gravel together, right. Now, would the gravel be for the soakaway to sit on, or is it more of a companion? I only ask because I've got a water butt out the back that gets lonely.
Stuart Eriksen They do seem unrelated, I know — that's the objection I get most. The gravel's just there so the soakaway's got something to drain into, and that's the bundle, take it or leave it.
Bernard That makes sense, that does. Well, I'd have to think about it — but yes, I'm very interested. Now, does the gravel come in green? Only the water butt's got a green lid and I like things to match.
Stuart Eriksen Colour isn't on my sheet, I'm afraid. So can I put you down as a yes and get the soakaway and the gravel on their way to you?
Bernard Oh, well now, a yes — I'd have to have a proper look at the paperwork first, but that's very good of you. You're not rushing off, are you? I could put the line down and make us both a cup of something.
Stuart Eriksen Honestly, I've done this call so many times I could do it in my sleep, and it's only Tuesday. I'll try you again another day. Bye now.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that — you sound worn out, and I was very interested, truly. You mind how you go, and mind the traffic on the way home.
Stuart Eriksen I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the householder about the soakaway arrangement.
  2. Explain the bundle pairs a soakaway with a bag of gravel, as listed.
  3. Answer the obvious objection that the two items seem unrelated.
  4. Ask for the yes and confirm dispatch of soakaway and gravel.

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