Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #459 · 2026-11-03

Sharon Sithole
of The Institute of Loft Hatch Custodians

a annual cupboard air subscription that renews itself · renewing subscription

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
38%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 459: Sharon Sithole of The Institute of Loft Hatch Custodians, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, bird pending

“Caller promised a technical colleague for the bird; Bernard wished the caller well on the traffic instead.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Sharon Sithole Hello there, Sharon Sithole here from The Institute of Loft Hatch Custodians — we're ringing to ask whether your cupboard air is currently certified.
Bernard Hello! Well now, that's very good of you to ring. Are you warm enough where you're sitting, though? I've been pottering about and quite forgot the heating. Cupboard air, you said — is that the stuff in the porch notices, or something else?
Sharon Sithole That's kind of you, I'm fine — and yes, cupboard air, that's exactly what we're about. The annual subscription covers continuous custodial filtration, and I've just taken on team leader this Monday, so the whole floor is behind this one.
Bernard Team leader on a Monday — congratulations, that's a big week for you. Custodial filtration, mind. Would this be the sort of thing that mind the front door key, the way it sticks? Because I'd want anything in the porch to be tidy.
Sharon Sithole It's not quite keys, but tidy is the right spirit. Now, renewal happens automatically, so your cupboard never lapses — you simply stay covered year after year without lifting a finger.
Bernard Without lifting a finger, you say. That's marvellous, because my fingers are all thumbs these days. Automatic, though — does it ever switch itself off by accident? The immersion heater's got two settings and I still get it wrong.
Sharon Sithole That's understood — and automatic means automatic, so nothing switches off by accident. So, if I could just get the yes, we can activate this year's cupboard air cover for you today.
Bernard Oh, I'm very interested, I really am. Now then — would the air be all right in a bungalow, do you think? And how does it get on with a bird in the front room?
Sharon Sithole That's a good question and I want to give it a proper answer, so I'd rather our technical colleague deals with it. I'm afraid I'll have to hand you over — someone here will pick this up properly.
Bernard Well, that's a shame, I was enjoying our chat. I'm sorry to hear it — I was very interested, truly. You mind the traffic on the way home now.
Sharon Sithole I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by asking whether their cupboard air is currently certified.
  2. Explain the annual cupboard air subscription covers continuous custodial filtration.
  3. Reassure that renewal happens automatically so their cupboard never lapses.
  4. Ask for the yes to activate this year's cupboard air cover.

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