Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #456 · 2026-11-03

Yvonne Quigley
of Marchwold Holdings

a bundle of a radiator and a length of hose · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 456: Yvonne Quigley of Marchwold Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard would have to think about the yes; the caller offered to take the gate off his hands and got a green hose question instead.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Yvonne Quigley Yvonne Quigley, Marchwold Holdings. I'm confirming your locality arrangement — that's all this is.
Bernard Have I? Oh — no, not yet, I was waiting on the bird to finish his. Locality arrangement, you say. Now what would that be when it's at home?
Yvonne Quigley Bernard, that's where we have you on our side of things. The bundle is one radiator and one length of hose, sold together as a single arrangement.
Bernard A radiator and a hose. Well, that's a funny pair, isn't it. Is the hose for filling the radiator, or are they just keeping each other company? There's a sock behind mine, it's been there since I don't know when.
Yvonne Quigley They're a paired system, Bernard — a heat source and a delivery line, designed to work as one. So I'll take that as a yes and arrange the pairing today, shall I?
Bernard A paired system. Right you are. Oh, hold on, the side gate's gone and jammed itself again — only opens inwards, that one. Give me a moment. What was it you wanted to arrange?
Yvonne Quigley Just to confirm the answer is yes on the bundle, Bernard. I'll get the pairing sorted today and you can leave the gate to me.
Bernard Oh, that's very good of you. Yes, well, I'd have to think about the yes, you see, because my sister's coming Thursday. Or is it the Tuesday? No — Thursday. Is the hose green at all?
Yvonne Quigley Green isn't a thing we do, Bernard — what we do is the bundle. One radiator, one hose, and I'd very much like your yes on it.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear it, Yvonne. I was very interested, truly. You go on now, and mind the traffic.
Yvonne Quigley Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you are speaking with Marchwold Holdings about their locality arrangement.
  2. Explain the bundle: one radiator, one length of hose, sold as a single arrangement.
  3. Address the objection that a radiator and hose are unrelated by calling it a paired system.
  4. Ask for the yes on the bundle and offer to arrange the pairing today.

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