Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #455 · 2026-11-03

Rita Pumphrey
of Thackeray Brothers, est. 1968

a replacement for a coal bunker that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
4%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 455: Rita Pumphrey of Thackeray Brothers, est. 1968, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard offered to match the bunker to the shed; Rita confirmed the finish later and asked again when to book the swap of the unbroken one.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Rita Pumphrey Rita Pumphrey, Thackeray Brothers, established 1968. It's about your coal bunker, and I'll be quick about it.
Bernard Oh, the gutters, that's what I thought. Well, I'm glad it's you and not the other lot. Coal bunker though, you said? You'll have to bear with me, I've got the ironing board behind the door here and it's wedged me in a bit.
Rita Pumphrey No, not the gutters, that's a different department entirely. This is the replacement coal bunker, designed specifically for working bunkers, so it slots in where the old one already does the job.
Bernard For working ones, you say? That's a bit of a novelty, isn't it, replacing something that's already doing its job nicely. Now, would it need any looking after, or would it just sit there quietly like the old one?
Rita Pumphrey That's the point, Bernard, a functioning bunker is precisely the moment to replace it, per policy forty-one, subsection B. So when shall we book the swap of the unbroken one?
Bernard Section forty-one, right, I'll take your word for it. Well, I'd have to think about it, but that's very good of you. Does it come in green at all? Only the shed's green and I'd want them to match.
Rita Pumphrey I'll confirm the finish later, that's no trouble at all. In the meantime, when shall we book the swap of the unbroken one?
Bernard Oh, well, now. Let me just get my glasses. They're on the ladder in the shed, I think, or they were. You hold on there, don't go anywhere.
Rita Pumphrey Of course, I'll hold. While I have you, the replacement coal bunker is designed specifically for working bunkers, so nothing changes with the one you have.
Bernard I'm back. Sorry, I wandered off again. That's very good of you, I'm very interested.
Rita Pumphrey Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself as Rita Pumphrey of Thackeray Brothers, founded 1968.
  2. Describe the new coal bunker replacement designed specifically for working bunkers.
  3. Note that a functioning coal bunker is precisely the moment to replace it.
  4. Ask for the order: when shall we book the swap of the unbroken one?

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