Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #454 · 2026-11-03

Denise Cresswell
of Hawea Cavity Care Ltd

an upgrade to the phone line you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
9%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 454: Denise Cresswell of Hawea Cavity Care Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Caller conceded the script was lost before Bernard could finish being interested; nothing was sold, nothing was claimed, nothing was fed.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Denise Cresswell Hello, sorry to bother you, it's Denise from Hawea Cavity Care Ltd. I'm calling about your phone line, if that's okay.
Bernard Oh, hello Denise. Are you selling, or asking? Only I like to know which, so I can fetch my glasses. The milk float came past at dawn and made a noise like a dying goose, so I've been up for hours.
Denise Cresswell That's fair, and sorry, I should've said. It's more of an asking, really. Your line already includes a premium upgrade tier that nobody's claimed, so I'm just checking whether you knew about it.
Bernard A premium... what was the middle word, sorry? The line's been perfectly good to me, though it does go quiet when the wind's up. Nobody's claimed it, you say. Well, I'd have to think about that.
Denise Cresswell Upgrade, sorry, I'm saying it too fast again. And I know the thing you're thinking, that you never ordered it, but that's the standard inclusion, it just comes with the line.
Bernard Oh, it comes with the line, does it. Like the gurgle in the drain by the gate, that just came with the house. Does it need feeding, this thing, or does it look after itself?
Denise Cresswell It needs nothing from you, truly. So could I just get your go-ahead for it to start on the next billing cycle?
Bernard That's very good of you, and I'm very interested. Tell me, would it be all right in a... oh, in a place like this, with the low ceilings and everything? And go ahead with what, exactly, dear?
Denise Cresswell Honestly, I think I've lost the thread of my own script. I don't think this one's going to happen, is it.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I was very interested, truly I was. Never mind, dear, you go carefully now.
Denise Cresswell Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you are speaking to the account holder for the line.
  2. Explain their existing phone line includes an unclaimed premium upgrade tier.
  3. Address the objection that they never ordered it by citing standard inclusion.
  4. Ask them to approve the upgrade taking effect on the next billing cycle.

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