Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #449 · 2026-11-02

Sylvia Hawea
of Wainwright Loft Boarding Ltd

an annual inspection of a greenhouse you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 449: Sylvia Hawea of Wainwright Loft Boarding Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no booking, caller disconnected himself

“Bernard offered the caller a cup of tea; the caller explained he does not come out, then lost the line and stopped.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Sylvia Hawea Hello, sorry to bother you, this is Sylvia Hawea from Wainwright Loft Boarding Ltd. I'm ringing about your greenhouse — I just wanted to confirm the deeds you hold for it, if that's all right?
Bernard Well, now, who gave you this number? Only nobody's rung about the greenhouse in years. Deeds, you say — I'd have to go and look, they're somewhere about. Is it raining where you are?
Sylvia Hawea Sorry, sorry — it's just the annual inspection, it covers the glazing, the vents and the unseen frame, that's all. I'm probably reading this too fast, aren't I?
Bernard Oh, you're doing fine, you're doing fine. Unseen frame — that's the bit I'd worry about, isn't it, you can't see it. Go on, what happens at this inspection, do they knock?
Sylvia Hawea Thank you, that's kind — and sorry, I should have said. Since you've never actually used it, an inspection prevents exactly that surprise, that's the whole point of it. Am I making sense?
Bernard You're making lovely sense. Though I'm not sure the thing's even got glass in it anymore, I've not been up that way since the water butt lid went green. Anyway, when would this happen?
Sylvia Hawea That's just it, this year's inspection really ought to be booked before the unvisited structure degrades — that's what the script says, sorry. Would something like a weekday morning suit you at all?
Bernard A weekday morning's lovely, I'm not going anywhere. Tuesday, was it, or the Thursday? I get those two muddled, my sister always did too. Now — you'll want a cup of tea when you get here, won't you?
Sylvia Hawea Oh, I don't actually come out myself, I'm only on the phones — sorry. I'm not very good at this, am I?
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that — I was very interested, truly. Well, never mind, love, you've been very good company. You mind the traffic on the way home.
Sylvia Hawea Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming the greenhouse they hold the deeds for.
  2. Explain the annual inspection covers the glazing, vents and unseen frame.
  3. Address that they have never used it by noting inspections prevent exactly that surprise.
  4. Ask to book this year's inspection before the unvisited structure degrades.

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