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Call #445 · 2026-11-02

Rhys Petrie
of Nethercott Habitation Bureau

an upgrade to a hedge you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 445: Rhys Petrie of Nethercott Habitation Bureau, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, colleague dispatched

“Bernard offered the caller lunch and a colour choice; Rhys Petrie offered the phone to someone else.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Rhys Petrie Rhys Petrie here, Nethercott Habitation Bureau — calling about the hedge registered to your address, which I'm betting you didn't know you had.
Bernard Oh, hello Rhys. Have you had your lunch? Only I've just done myself a bit of cheese on toast and there's plenty of the loaf left.
Rhys Petrie Very kind, Bernard, but I never stop for lunch — I'm the best on this team and that's why. Now, that hedge sits on an upgraded boundary tier you inherited without knowing it.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, but I don't recall inheriting anything except my aunt's clock, and that doesn't tell the time. What was the upgraded bit again?
Rhys Petrie That's the thing, Bernard — the Bureau's records have it all noted, so when a customer tells me there's no hedge, I do smile. It's all there on your boundary tier.
Bernard I did go and look out the front, and there's the privet, but that's the neighbour's, and I don't think it knows it's registered. Would the hedge want feeding, do you suppose?
Rhys Petrie Bernard, the paperwork's all in order on our end, so let's just get this upgrade squared away and push your property line forward.
Bernard Oh, well, now, I'd have to think about it. Is it a green hedge, or would they do it in another colour? Only my front room's mostly greens.
Rhys Petrie Bernard, I'll be quick — if I can just get a yes from you on the upgrade, we can move your property line forward today.
Bernard Two minutes, sorry — I've got one eye on the greenhouse, there's a pane cracked and the bird keeps trying to get in. What was it you wanted a yes to?
Rhys Petrie I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself as Nethercott Habitation Bureau, calling about their registered hedge.
  2. Explain the hedge sits on an upgraded boundary tier they inherited unknowingly.
  3. Address the objection that they have no hedge by citing the Bureau's record.
  4. Ask them to confirm the hedge upgrade and move their boundary forward.

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