Call #441 · 2026-11-02
Colin Dlamini
of The Trust for Household Continuity
an upgrade to a drain you did not know you had · unknown upgrade
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, caller exited unilaterally
“Bernard never said no; Colin never said goodbye. The drain remains below standard and unimproved.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Colin Dlamini
Colin Dlamini here, The Trust for Household Continuity. I'm ringing about the drainage at your property — is now a good time to confirm a few details?
Bernard
Oh, it's a lovely time, I've just been watching a squirrel outfox the bird feeder again. Now — are you selling, or asking? I like to know which hat a person's wearing before I put the tea on.
Colin Dlamini
Bernard, I'm the best on my floor at this, so let me just say it plainly: your existing drain sits below standard, and the trust's upgrade corrects that. Now, that's not a cost to you — think of it as an unrecognised continuity asset.
Bernard
Below standard, you say. I've always suspected that drain, it gurgles when it rains. And this continuity asset — is that the sort of thing that sits quietly and does you a good turn? I'd want to know what it gets up to.
Colin Dlamini
Right, Bernard — it's not a cost at all, that hidden drain of yours is quietly doing you a good turn. Shall I put you down for the upgrade, then?
Bernard
That's kind of you. Would this business need a particular hour, or does it not mind when? I'm slightly out of step with the day today.
Colin Dlamini
Doesn't mind at all, Bernard, we'll fit round you — so can I take that as the go-ahead to schedule it?
Bernard
Well, I'm very interested, I really am. But is it a thing that comes green? I only ask because the lid on the water butt is green and it's grown on me.
Colin Dlamini
Green, yes, green's no trouble — but let's not get bogged down, Bernard, I just need the yes on scheduling the hidden drain.
Bernard
That's good of you to say. I've gone completely blank on your name now, I'm sorry — it was a young man's name, wasn't it?
Colin Dlamini
Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by confirming you are speaking to the householder about their property's drainage.
- Explain their existing drain sits below the standard and the trust's upgrade corrects it.
- Reassure them the drain is not a cost, it is an unrecognised continuity asset.
- Ask for the go-ahead to schedule the upgrade to their hidden drain.
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