Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #440 · 2026-11-02

Ravi Lomax
of Palgrave, Sandiford and Ferrier Gate Repair Partnership

a membership with no benefits and no refunds · membership

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
11%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 440: Ravi Lomax of Palgrave, Sandiford and Ferrier Gate Repair Partnership, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Caller offered a thing with no benefits and no refunds; Bernard asked whether it could be kept in a bungalow.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Ravi Lomax Good day, this is Ravi Lomax at Palgrave, Sandiford and Ferrier Gate Repair Partnership — and we'd like a word with whoever handles standing partnerships. Just promoted to team leader on Monday, so we're speaking for the whole floor here.
Bernard Morning to you, Ravi — team leader since Monday, that's lovely. Mind that last step on the way in, it's a bit crumbly. Now, whose door was it again? Only I've got a front one and a back one and they're both a bit stiff.
Ravi Lomax Stiff doors aren't our department, Bernard — it's the standing partnership register we'd like you on. Three names go on it, no benefits at all, prestige only, and that's the entire offer from Palgrave, Sandiford and Ferrier.
Bernard Three names and nothing else, is it? I like that — nothing to go wrong. Would it need feeding, do you think, or does it just sit there being prestigious?
Ravi Lomax Nothing to feed at all — that's the beauty of it. And when people hear it confers absolutely nothing, we say that's precisely the reassurance.
Bernard Well that is a relief, I must say. My last thing that needed looking after went and made itself a nuisance. Oh — before I forget, you will have a cup of tea, won't you? I've got the immersion on.
Ravi Lomax Tea's very kind but we'll decline. So just to confirm, we're asking for the yes — it renews annually and there are no refunds of any kind.
Bernard No refunds and renews annually — well, I'd have to think about it properly. It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing. Now, would it be all right in a bungalow, do you think?
Ravi Lomax It would sit in a bungalow exactly as it does anywhere else, Bernard. And if it helps, we're very happy to escalate — the whole floor can be brought in on this for you. Just the one yes and we're done.
Bernard That's very good of you. But there's a knocking, I think — hold on a moment, will you?
Ravi Lomax Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by naming the firm and asking to speak with whoever handles standing partnerships.
  2. Describe the membership: three names on a register, no benefits, prestige only.
  3. Meet the objection that it confers nothing by saying that is precisely the reassurance.
  4. Ask for the yes and confirm it renews annually with no refunds.

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