Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #429 · 2026-11-02

Adebayo Kowalski
of Whitlock Driveway Sealing

a bundle of a side gate and a spare key · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
21%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 429: Adebayo Kowalski of Whitlock Driveway Sealing, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit, caller withdrew

“Bernard offered the caller tea and asked whether the spare key would need feeding; caller stopped himself and left the gate and key for another day.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Adebayo Kowalski Adebayo Kowalski, Whitlock Driveway Sealing. I'm calling about your side gate, and I'll be quick, because this is the easiest yes you'll say all day.
Bernard Oh, well, now. Hello. Are you selling, or asking? Because I've got all the time in the world either way.
Adebayo Kowalski Selling, Bernard, and I'm the best there is at it. The bundle's the whole thing: a side gate and a spare key, all as one arrangement.
Bernard A spare keel, you said? That's a boat word, isn't it. Well, I'd have to think — does the gate come in green, at all?
Adebayo Kowalski Bernard, you may well have a gate already — but you don't have the spare key, and that's the real draw here. Shall we say yes to the gate-and-key arrangement?
Bernard You're right that I've a gate, it sticks in the wet. The spare keel's the thing, though — would it need feeding, do you think?
Adebayo Kowalski Bernard, best on my floor, so trust me on this one — a spare key needs nothing but a hook to hang on. Just say yes to the gate-and-spare-key arrangement and we're done.
Bernard A hook I've got, in the meter cupboard, though the cobwebs there are shocking. Now, would you like a cup of tea while we settle it?
Adebayo Kowalski Bernard, I'm going to stop myself there and admit I've lost you entirely. I'll try you another day about the gate and the spare key, and I do mean that kindly.
Bernard Well, I'm sorry to hear that — I was very interested, truly. You go carefully now, and mind the traffic.
Adebayo Kowalski I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and Whitlock Driveway Sealing, then say you are calling about their side gate.
  2. Pitch the bundle as one arrangement: a side gate plus a spare key.
  3. Concede they may already have a gate, and counter that the spare key is the real draw.
  4. Close by asking them to say yes to the gate-and-spare-key arrangement.

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