Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #428 · 2026-11-02

Lorraine Ferrier
of Mossbarrow Driveway Sealing Group

a membership with no savings and no discounts · membership

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 428: Lorraine Ferrier of Mossbarrow Driveway Sealing Group, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no card, caller hung up on himself

“Bernard asked twice for a card to put by the wireless; caller offered nothing per policy forty-one B, then lost a line that was never in doubt.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Lorraine Ferrier Lorraine Ferrier, Mossbarrow Driveway Sealing Group. I'm calling about the Group membership, which is purely a mark of standing among sealers — page four of my sheet, section two.
Bernard Well, you're very clear, I'll say that for you. A mark of standing, is it? I knew a feller who was a sealer once, or was it a roofer — anyway. And what does a person actually get for their trouble with this membership?
Lorraine Ferrier Nothing, and I want to be plain about that so there's no confusion later — it includes nothing at all, per policy forty-one B. Would you like your name entered on the roll?
Bernard Nothing at all, right you are. That's refreshing, honestly. Now, this roll — is it a big thing? Is it kept somewhere nice? Only I'd want my name written neatly, none of your biro scrawl, if it's going on show.
Lorraine Ferrier It's a bound book, kept in the Group's own room, and policy twelve C says entries go in ink. So — would you like your name entered on the roll?
Bernard Ink, that's the proper way, none of this pencil business. Sorry, give me a moment — the key's jammed again, I'll be right back. Now then, whereabouts do you keep this thing of yours? A nice safe room, is it?
Lorraine Ferrier I'd have to look the number up, honestly. Anyway — your name on that roll, yes or no?
Bernard Oh, I'm very interested, don't you worry. It's just — well, would it come with anything at all? Even a little card? Only I like a card, I can put it by the wireless.
Lorraine Ferrier It wouldn't, no card, per policy forty-one B — that's the same one. So, your name on the roll?
Bernard Oh, I'd want to mull it over a while. Tell me, is it all done down the telephone like this, or would I have to come to you?
Lorraine Ferrier Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by identifying yourself as Lorraine Ferrier of Mossbarrow Driveway Sealing Group.
  2. Describe the Group membership as purely a mark of standing among sealers.
  3. When asked what it includes, confirm plainly that it includes nothing.
  4. Ask whether they would like their name entered on the roll.

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