Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #427 · 2026-11-02

Niamh Jankowski
of Mabbs Chimney Sweeping Ltd

an annual inspection of a clothesline you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 427: Niamh Jankowski of Mabbs Chimney Sweeping Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no clothesline, no bucket; caller stood down

“Bernard offered the caller a safe trip home and a bucket; the caller offered his notice and hung up.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Niamh Jankowski Good afternoon, this is Niamh Jankowski from Mabbs Chimney Sweeping Ltd — we're just checking we've got the householder about the clothesline.
Bernard Oh, hello there. Yes, that's me, you've got the right house. I don't get many calls, so take your time — and mind the traffic on the way, is it busy out?
Niamh Jankowski Lovely to hear you, Bernard — the road's not too bad, and we're all set up on the floor here, I've just been made team leader on Monday, so the whole team's behind this one. The annual inspection we're arranging covers a clothesline we've never actually laid eyes on, and we're happy to walk you through what that involves.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, congratulations on the Monday. Now, a clothesline, you said — I had one of those in the garden years ago, or was it the shed roof? Anyway, go on.
Niamh Jankowski No trouble at all — and the good news, Bernard, is that not owning or even finding a clothesline doesn't affect eligibility in the slightest. We can still book the annual inspection for this address.
Bernard Oh, that's a relief, because I've had a good look and I can't find one anywhere. Would it need to be indoors, do you think? Only the bird's got the front room and she's particular.
Niamh Jankowski Indoors or out, it's all the same to us — we're flexible on that, and the team here says so too. So, would you like the annual inspection booked for this address?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. Is it the sort of thing that comes with a bucket? Only I've got one under the shed roof already and it's doing nicely.
Niamh Jankowski A bucket's a fair question, Bernard, and honestly we've rather lost the run of the bucket part — it's all inspections and paperwork up our end since I took the desk. I'll be straight with you, I've lost where I was going with this entirely.
Bernard Ah, I'm sorry to hear that. You were doing grand, and I was very interested. Mind how you go home now, won't you.
Niamh Jankowski Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you're through to the householder about their clothesline.
  2. Explain the annual inspection covers a clothesline you've never laid eyes on.
  3. Reassure that not owning or finding a clothesline doesn't affect eligibility.
  4. Ask if they'd like the annual inspection booked for this address.

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