Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #423 · 2026-11-02

Trevor Gopal
of Netherby Hearth and Home Bureau

a annual drain survey that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 423: Trevor Gopal of Netherby Hearth and Home Bureau, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard asked whether the survey would need feeding and whether renewal works like the Christmas rota; caller blamed the line.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Trevor Gopal Trevor Gopal, Netherby Hearth and Home Bureau. Am I speaking to the householder at this property, just as a courtesy?
Bernard Oh, you are, yes. Well — I'm warm enough where I'm sitting, thank you for asking, that's very good of you. Now, what was it you were wanting?
Trevor Gopal Right. The annual drain survey just comes, unbidden, under our locality remit. Nobody books it, it simply turns up.
Bernard Well now, that is convenient. I had a young man turn up unbidden once and I made him a cup of something hot, so you're very welcome. Would it need feeding, this survey?
Trevor Gopal No, nothing gets fed, sir. It's neighbourly prevention, you see — nobody asked for it, which is rather the point of it.
Bernard Neighbourly, that's the ticket. The gutter above the back door has been letting itself down a bit lately, so perhaps it's all connected. When you say it just turns up, does it come in a van?
Trevor Gopal Van, yes, possibly a van. Can I put you down as a yes, with the surveyor attending and it renewing every year after that?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, but yes — I'm very interested. One thing, though. Renewing every year — is that like the Christmas rota? Because I'm sure it's my sister's turn, though I got that wrong last time.
Trevor Gopal It's nothing like a rota, sir. It simply renews each year, automatically, the same way it arrives. So, a yes on the surveyor coming?
Bernard Oh, you're very good. Hold on, I've just spotted my reading glasses on the windowsill, let me — no, that's the bird's. Anyway. Yes, I'm very interested. Now, what was the word again?
Trevor Gopal I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you are the householder at the property, as a courtesy.
  2. Explain the annual drain survey arrives unbidden under the Bureau's locality remit.
  3. Address the objection: no request was made, so frame it as neighbourly prevention.
  4. Ask for the yes: confirm the surveyor may attend, renewing annually thereafter.

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