Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #42 · 2026-10-20

Gwen Ashcombe
of Pellow & Gride Household Sundries

a draught excluder for a cat flap · home insulation

27
Minutes on the line
41%
Will to live
12
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Caller lost her place in the list; the customer offered tea and retained custody of the decision.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Gwen Ashcombe Good evening — am I speaking with the occupier of the property? I'll be quick, it's just a quick word about your cat flap.
Bernard Oh — hello there. Yes, that's me, I'm the occupier, been occupying it since, oh, a long while now. Cat flap, you say? Hang on, let me just turn the radio down. What was it about the cat flap?
Gwen Ashcombe Lovely, thank you. It's the seasonal draught, you see — small pet portals let in a surprising amount of cold at this time of year.
Bernard Ah, the draught, yes. There's a terrible old wind comes through mine — and through the letterbox too. Now, is this something to do with the little bird, or is it for Mavis? She's the parrot, you see.
Gwen Ashcombe A parrot — right, well, our precision-fitted excluder is really the logical comfort upgrade for a pet portal of any size. It fits snugly around the opening, so the warmth stays in.
Bernard Snugly, you say. Well, that does sound sensible. Does it come in green at all? Only Mavis is fond of green, and she's particular about things near the door.
Gwen Ashcombe I'd have to check on the green. Now, the cat would be involved in the installation, only briefly — just so it's used to the fitting, nothing alarming at all.
Bernard The cat takes part, does it? Poor thing, Mavis has never once been consulted about anything in this house. She'd have opinions. No — sorry, go on. This thermal whatsit, is that free, did you say?
Gwen Ashcombe It is, yes — the free thermal assessment comes at no cost at all, and I'd love you to just consider it, no obligation.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. Free and no obligation — I like the sound of that. Now, would the assessment happen here, or do I bring the flap somewhere? I'd have to find my glasses to look at any forms.
Gwen Ashcombe It all happens at your door, nothing to bring and no glasses needed. Honestly, I've rather lost my place in my list, but I do think you'd be glad of it — so shall I leave the whole thing entirely with you?
Bernard Entirely with me, yes — that's the way I like it. I'll have a good think. Oh, and would you like a cup of tea while you're here? No? Mind the traffic on your way, then.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the occupier of the property, unhurried.
  2. Explain the seasonal draught problem affecting small pet portals generally.
  3. Introduce the precision-fitted excluder as a logical comfort upgrade.
  4. Mention the cat would be involved in the installation, briefly and without alarm.
  5. Offer the free thermal assessment and ask them to consider it.
  6. Close warmly, inviting them to leave it entirely with you.

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