Call #415 · 2026-11-01
Sharon Lindqvist
of The Sanderby Hatch Trust
a bundle of a radiator and a roll of felt · bundle
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
15
Minutes on the line
38%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, caller withdrew under questioning
“Bernard asked whether the felt required feeding; the caller ended the call and did not ring back.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Sharon Lindqvist
Sharon Lindqvist, from The Sanderby Hatch Trust. I hope you're warm, because I have an arrangement that might keep you that way.
Bernard
Oh, well, I've caught me in the middle of something, but carry on. Warm, you say — is that a worrit or a weather sort of warm? I'm very interested, now what was it again?
Sharon Lindqvist
That's the weather sort, and it's the arrangement I want to explain. It's one radiator and one roll of felt, and they go together.
Bernard
A roll of... sorry, my left ear's a bit off. A roll of fur? I'm not sure the bird would take to fur in the hallway, she's very particular. But the radiator sounds lovely, ever so warm of you.
Sharon Lindqvist
Felt, Bernard, not fur — short F, page four of the sheet, section twelve. You're right that it seems unrelated to a radiator, and that's rather the point of the bundle.
Bernard
Felt, felt, yes, I've got it now. Page four, section twelve. That's the trouble with a bundle, isn't it — you go in for the one thing and come out with the other. Does it want feeding, this felt?
Sharon Lindqvist
Felt, Bernard. It's a bundle, so the two things travel as one. Would you like the radiator and the felt sent together?
Bernard
Well, I'd have to think about it, that's very good of you. Together — would that be on a pallet, or does a person have to carry it? Because my back step's lower than it looks, and I don't want anyone tipping.
Sharon Lindqvist
Pallet, I believe — I'd have to check the delivery line on the printout. Would you like the radiator and felt sent together, though?
Bernard
Yes, I'm very interested. Would they come of a morning, do you think? Only I like to have the door open early and let the house breathe before the post comes.
Sharon Lindqvist
I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by mentioning you're from the trust and hope they're warm.
- Explain the arrangement: one radiator, one roll of felt, together.
- Address that felt seems unrelated — it's the point of the bundle.
- Ask whether they'd like the radiator and felt sent together.
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