Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #412 · 2026-11-01

Frank Wainwright
of Balogun, Lindqvist and Kinsey Porch Maintenance Partnership

an upgrade to a shed you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 412: Frank Wainwright of Balogun, Lindqvist and Kinsey Porch Maintenance Partnership, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no shed, caller stood down

“Bernard offered a yes freely and asked to see the papers first; the caller could not say whether they were typed or handwritten, and withdrew his own offer.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Frank Wainwright Frank Wainwright here, from Balogun, Lindqvist and Kinsey Porch Maintenance Partnership. I'm ringing about an upgrade that exists on a shed listed under your name and trade, and I just want to check I've reached the premises.
Bernard Ah, well, you've got the house all right, but the premises you're after would be the partnership's, not mine. I'm just Bernard. And the gutters are fine, if that's what this is about — are they fine?
Frank Wainwright Ha, brilliant, thank you, that's noted! There's a small addition on record against a shed under your name and trade — I'd love to tell you about it.
Bernard A shed. Well, now, that's interesting, because I don't have one, unless you count the little green thing at the back, but I've never called it a shed. What's this addition, then, a new roof, is it?
Frank Wainwright Ha, brilliant, the register simply has it down under your name, and I don't argue with a register! So if I could just get a yes from you, we can sort the rest after a survey.
Bernard Well, a yes is easy to say, but I'd like a proper look at the papers first — is it typed or written out by hand?
Frank Wainwright Honestly, I don't know if it's typed, that's not the bit I have in front of me. What I need is a yes on the record, and everything else follows, happy days.
Bernard Oh, well, if it's on the record, I'd have to think about it. Now, what was it again that follows? You've lost me a bit at the back end there.
Frank Wainwright Ha, no, you're quite right, I've lost myself too. Look, I'll be honest with you, Bernard, this one's not going to happen, is it. Thanks for your time.
Bernard Well, that's a shame, I was very interested. Sorry to hear it — you mind how you go now.
Frank Wainwright Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the partnership's premises, not the shed.
  2. Explain an upgrade exists on a shed listed under their name and trade.
  3. Address the objection that they own no shed by citing the register entry.
  4. Ask them to say yes to the upgrade, before any survey.

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