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Call #410 · 2026-11-01

Roy Iyer
of Jankowski Brothers, est. 1899

a certificate confirming a shed is in daily use · certification

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15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no size, no colour, no exit

“Bernard asked whether the certificate would fit behind the ironing board; the caller referred colour to the escalation team and the call to a colleague.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Roy Iyer Good afternoon, Roy Iyer here from Jankowski Brothers, established 1899. We've reached the owner of the shed, is that right? We're all very pleased to be calling about your shed today.
Bernard Oh, the shed, yes — well, that's me, I suppose. It's more of a little brown lean-to than a shed, but I'm very pleased too. What's the occasion?
Roy Iyer I should say, I've been made team leader on Monday, so the whole floor is behind this one. The occasion, Bernard, is a certificate confirming your shed is in daily use — and I'll be quick.
Bernard Team leader on Monday, well done you. A certificate for daily use though — I have to say, I'm in it most days. Doesn't it rather speak for itself?
Roy Iyer I understand, and that's the thing we hear most — but a shed being used and a shed being certified as used are two entirely different matters, and we'd rather not leave the second one to chance. The whole team here agrees on that.
Bernard Well, that's very good of the whole team. Would it be a large certificate? Only the ironing board lives behind the door and I'd need to know if there's room to hang it.
Roy Iyer Size is the sort of detail the team can confirm once we've started, so I won't guess at it. Can I put you down for a yes to the daily-use certificate today?
Bernard Oh, now — I'd have to think about it. Tell me, does it come in green? Only the shed's green, and it'd be a shame to have a falling-out.
Roy Iyer Colour's one for the escalation team, and I'm happy to pass it up as a kindness. What we'd need first is the yes to issuing the certificate, and then we sort the rest.
Bernard That's very good of you, passing it up and all. You'll think me slow, but what was the certificate for again — the shed being in use, was it?
Roy Iyer I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the shed's owner at Jankowski Brothers.
  2. Explain the certificate confirming their shed is in daily use.
  3. Dismiss the objection that use is self-evident without certified proof.
  4. Ask for the yes to issue the daily-use certificate today.

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